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Mordern technology is now very common in most work places.how do you think that has changed the way we work?do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology?

It is irrefutable that due to technological advancement around the world, mordern way of working, using technology, could be easily observed in plethora of working institutions. This trend has contributed towards globalisation as well as has provided an opportunity for the employees to work according to their convenience. However, I also believe that depending on technology too much can cause repurcussions which will be explicated in greater details in the subsequent paragraphs. To begin with, a drastic change could be observed in the working ways before and after the introduction of technology in the working places. The first and the foremost is contribution towards globalisation. To elaborate, with the help of internet, businesses are not limited to the local levels now, they are now expanded allover the world. One can easily buy and sell the products through online sites even from far distances, which has helped in escalating the economies of the countries. Secondly, this has also helped in making the workers work much easy and convenient as now they could work even from the comfort of their homes with the help of vedio calls and online chats, which not only reduces their stress, but also helps in the balancing their professional as well as personal life, and hence they can work much more efficiently. Nevertheless, I endorse that relying on technology for maximum work can have demerits too. Firstly, it can have detrimental effect on the physical health of an individual. To support it, working on the screens for a longer time can cause weak eyesight issues as appliances like mobile, computer and laptops produce harmful radiations. According to a study of Horvard University, for instance, around 40% of the total patients related to eye diseases are mainly workers working using technology. Moreover, making a work too easy for the workers will make them non -serious and less dedicated towards their work as now they do not feel any work load or pressure just because according to them their work could easily be accomplished with the help of mordern technology. To recapitulate, although although development in technology in working fields has provided certain benefits to the workers, and has changed their way of working significantly, in my view overuse of technology can have certain drawbacks too such as eye diseases and non seriousness towards work.
It is irrefutable that due to technological advancement around the world,
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mordern
way of
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working
, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, could be
easily
observed in plethora of
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working
institutions. This trend has contributed towards
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globalisation
as well
as has provided an opportunity for the employees to
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work
according to their convenience.
However
, I
also
believe that depending on
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technology
too much can cause
Possible spelling mistake found.
repurcussions
which will
be explicated
in greater
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
in the subsequent paragraphs. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, a drastic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
could
be observed
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
ways
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and after the introduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
places. The
first
and the foremost
You should probably use "am", "are", "aren".
is
contribution towards
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
. To elaborate, with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of internet, businesses are not limited to the local levels
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
, they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
expanded allover the world. One can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
and sell the products through online sites even from far distances, which has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
in escalating the economies of the countries.
Secondly
, this has
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
in making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
much easy and convenient as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
they could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
even from the comfort of their homes with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of
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vedio
calls and online chats, which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
their
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stress
,
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but
also
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helps
in the balancing their professional
as well
as personal life, and
hence
they can
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work
much more
efficiently
.
Nevertheless
, I endorse that relying on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
for maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can have demerits too.
Firstly
, it can have detrimental effect on the physical health of an individual. To support it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
on the screens for a longer time can cause weak eyesight issues as appliances like mobile, computer and laptops produce harmful radiations. According to a study of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Horvard
University,
for instance
, around 40% of the total patients related to eye diseases are
mainly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
Moreover
, making a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
too easy for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them non -serious and less dedicated towards their
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work
as
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now
they do not feel any
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work
load or pressure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
according to them their
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work
could
easily
be accomplished
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
mordern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. To recapitulate,
Possible typo: you repeated a word
although although
development in
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technology
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
fields has provided certain benefits to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
, and has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
their way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
significantly
, in my view overuse of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can have certain drawbacks
Did you mean "to such"?
too such
as eye diseases and non seriousness towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
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IELTS essay Mordern technology is now very common in most work places. how do you think that has changed the way we work? do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
386 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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