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some people think that the government should increase tax on unhealthy food to encourage people to start eating healthily

Some people give their view that the government should approve the rising of tax on unhealthy food to support community to start eating healthily. Apparently, this issue makes many people argue about the importance of tax to encourage people to start eating healthy food. Personally, I think that tax does not have ability to change people’s mood, due to the fact that their appetite controls them. No matter how expensive the cost and the tax, if they want and they have a plenty of money, they will get the food. I can give you an example, especially this is also happened in our country, Indonesia. Indonesia is among the countries with the highest smoking rate. Most people from young, adult and seniors like to smoke. In addition, the industry of cigarette is getting bigger, many brands of the cigarette were born and the count of smoker increase year by year. The government of Indonesia has given high tax to this unhealthy product, but as you can see, most people like to waste their money to buy this tobacco product. Finally, the cigarette’s tax helps Indonesia to reach great income each year. This is a terrible fact that happened in Indonesia. As a result, I also believe the high tax does not have effect to change their quality of food that they want. It depends on everyone. People who want to live healthily, they choose a healthy food exactly. But people who live in unhealthy way, they might choose an unhealthy cuisine although it has high tax. I think many ways to encourage people eating a healthy food such as, education, campaign healthy dish or developing the farming especially vegetable and fruit industry.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give their view that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should approve the rising of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to support community to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
eating
healthily
.
Apparently
, this issue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue about the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
does not have ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
mood, due to the fact that their appetite controls them. No matter how expensive the cost and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
, if they
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
want and
they have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of money, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the food.

I can give you an example,
especially
this is
also
happened in our country, Indonesia. Indonesia is among the countries with the highest smoking rate. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from young, adult and seniors like to smoke.
In addition
, the industry of cigarette is getting bigger,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
brands of the cigarette
were born
and the count of smoker increase year by year. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of Indonesia has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
product,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to waste their money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
this tobacco product.
Finally
, the cigarette’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
Indonesia to reach great income each year. This is a terrible fact that happened in Indonesia.

As a result
, I
also
believe the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
does not have effect to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that they want. It depends on everyone.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
healthily
, they choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
exactly.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
way, they might choose an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
cuisine although it has high tax.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eating a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
such as, education, campaign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
dish or developing the farming
especially
vegetable and fruit industry.
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IELTS essay some people think that the government should increase tax on unhealthy food to encourage people to start eating healthily

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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