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money spent on music classes in schools aren’t unnecessary, instead children should be learning useful subjects such as science and computers. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion and include relevant examples.

money spent on music classes in schools aren’t unnecessary, instead children should be learning useful subjects such as science and computers. Give your own opinion and include relevant examples. 7apqy
Life without education is like a bird without wings. The role of education to lead human to clear prospectives of their lives is exceptional. Presently, it has sparked a heated debate whether spending money over music classes in schools is a useful to students in many ways instead of learning computer and science subjects or not. Here, I would like to accord with given statement firmly. There are multifarious pros of arranging music classes for children. First and foremost, music classes play a phenomenal role to encourage music aholic children to sharp thier talents. For example, some children have aptitudes to be good at music since their childhood. As a result, they can become professionals like musicians, singers, composers, directors and so on to glorify their parents, nations and own names and earn bread and butter. Moreover, exotic music classes are lucrative to get rid of stress after studying for long hours at school. Furthermore, music classes associated to hymns offer a huge contentment, spiritual bliss and internal peace to the students. For instance, a country like, India, where a plethora of religious educational academies are present finds it necessary to encourage children towards religious heritage through existing music classes and competitions. consequently, teaching music is supposed to be a way to lead children to eternity. By contrast, unlike music classes, emphasizing on computer and science seems better becouse the world is turning to contemporary and materialistic. Hence, our planet require more brilliant scientists and computer engineers. However, I think that the availability of music classes allows millions of music teachers to eke-out survive happily with their families. Thus, a giant unemployment faced by science and computer professionals due to exceedingly numbers can be addressed by producing music talent hunts. All of above, music is an electrifying way to represent traditional culture of present and past in front of growing children. Thence, the importance of music can not be underestimated. To recapitulate, though science and computer fields are dominating but the importance if music classes can not be sent at the back seat.
Life without education is like a bird without wings. The role of education to lead human to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
Possible spelling mistake found.
prospectives
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
is exceptional.
Presently
, it has sparked a heated debate whether spending money over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
in schools is a useful to students in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways
instead
of learning computer and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
subjects or not. Here, I would like to accord with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement
firmly
.

There are multifarious pros of arranging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
play a phenomenal role to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
Possible spelling mistake found.
aholic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to sharp
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
talents.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have aptitudes to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
since their childhood.
As a result
, they can become professionals like musicians, singers, composers, directors and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on to glorify their parents, nations and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
names and earn bread and butter.
Moreover
, exotic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
are lucrative to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
after studying for long hours at school.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
associated to hymns offer a huge contentment, spiritual bliss and internal peace to the students.
For instance
, a country like, India, where a plethora of religious educational academies are present finds it necessary to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
towards religious heritage through existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
and competitions.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
consequently
, teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is supposed
to be a way to lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to eternity.

By contrast, unlike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
, emphasizing on computer and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
seems better
Possible spelling mistake found.
becouse
the world is turning to contemporary and materialistic.
Hence
, our planet require more brilliant scientists and computer engineers.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
teachers to eke-out survive
happily
with their families.
Thus
, a giant unemployment faced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and computer professionals due to
exceedingly
numbers can
be addressed
by producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
talent hunts.
Consider using "All above" or "All of the above".
All of above
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is an electrifying way to represent traditional culture of present and past in front of growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Thence, the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can not
be underestimated
.

To recapitulate, though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and computer fields are dominating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the importance if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
can not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
at the back seat.
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IELTS essay money spent on music classes in schools aren’t unnecessary, instead children should be learning useful subjects such as science and computers. Give your own opinion and include relevant examples.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
343 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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