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Money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. Agree or disagree?

Money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. Agree or disagree? r6Bwm
In modern life, some people believe that the most crucial component in finding happiness is having enough money. Others, in contrast, believe that happiness is unrelated to wealth. I strongly agree with the fact that money plays a significant role in happiness and in this essay I will explain the reasonS why. For a variety of reasons, money is now becoming a major role in happiness. Firstly, money is required to buy anything in the world, from daily supplies to luxury brand stuff, nothing comes for free. In addition, surplus income helps people pursue their dreams more conveniently and easily. Secondly, being economically sound also allows us an opportunity to provide a helping hand to the poor and needy, which is difficult without financial resources. Moreover, starting a charity or providing financial aid to the poorer portions of society requires funding, which is only possible if a person is affluent. In order to demonstrate, many humanitarian groups founded by magnates like Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg and Jack Ma are instances of social service action. On the other hand, others believe that happiness is unrelated to wealth. Nowadays, many countries are becoming industrialized and modernized so that the cost of living continues to rise. As a result, people are confronted with financial difficulties. Besides, many parents forsake their children in order to make money, they do not care about their children, they just simply know how to earn a lot of money to cover their family life. While this might be true, I believe that people who can make a lot of money will not have to worry about money troubles, which will make them more comfortable and happy in their life. Moreover, there will always be a way for parents to take care of their children more, such as managing, redistributing their time, and spending time with your youngster every night or on weekends. To sum up, money now plays a significant role in our life. If a person does not have sufficient money, they will always be dissatisfied and unhappy
In modern
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life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the most crucial component in finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Others,
in contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is unrelated
to wealth. I
strongly
Consider using "agree that".
agree with the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
plays a significant role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
and in this essay I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
reasonS
why.

For a variety of reasons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
becoming a major role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is required
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
anything in the world, from daily supplies to luxury brand stuff, nothing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
for free.
In addition
, surplus income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pursue their dreams more
conveniently
and
easily
.
Secondly
, being
economically
sound
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
us an opportunity

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
provide a helping hand to the poor and needy, which is difficult without financial resources.
Moreover
, starting a charity or providing financial aid to the poorer portions of society requires funding, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible if a person is affluent. In order to demonstrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
humanitarian groups founded by magnates like Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg and Jack Ma are instances of social service action.

On the other hand
, others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is unrelated
to wealth. Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries are becoming industrialized and modernized
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the cost of living continues to rise.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are confronted
with financial difficulties.
Besides
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents forsake their children in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, they do not care about their children, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
simply
know how to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to cover their family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. While this might be true, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
will not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
troubles, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more comfortable and happy in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Moreover
, there will always be a way for parents to take care of their children more, such as managing, redistributing their time, and spending time with your youngster every night or on weekends.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
plays a significant role in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. If a person does not have sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, they will always
be dissatisfied
and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
unhappy
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IELTS essay Money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. Agree or disagree?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
340 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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