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MONEY CAN BRING PEOPLE HAPPINESS BUT, IN FACT THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT REASONS FOR A PERSON'S HAPPINESS. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THIS STATEMENT.

MONEY CAN BRING PEOPLE HAPPINESS BUT, IN FACT THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT REASONS FOR A PERSON'S HAPPINESS. WITH THIS STATEMENT. aqk77
It is believed that money is responsible to foster joy, however, the joy of the people can be contributed by various other factors. This essay agrees that there are different crucial factors that can enrich pleasure along with money such as, having their loved ones together, living up to their passion and hobbies and achieve their dream goals. it is true that money can aid in generating easy, luxurious and happy life as anyone can afford what they love to do or get in their life by buying it. For example a wealthy person who is financially stable can spend on travelling, hanging out with friends for relaxation and find joy on those moments. However, despite having such merits of having huge funds with self, a person cannot always be satisfied with their life. being wealthy can bring clashes in personal as well as business relationships because of greed or jealousy. It can result in destructive living. Therefore, in my opinion, there are other beneficial reasons of joy in one's lives. The most obvious reason is having the beloved ones that may be family or friend together can flourish their happiness. the support and love can bring contentment on the person's life. Along with this, when a person follow their hobby and practices it with their dedication to build up as the passion, he can find pleasure every time doing so. Adding up, a person when achieves their life-long goals after a long hardship, can feel himself in the sixth heaven. He can find source of happiness in the process of attaining success. In conclusion, while it is true that money can make positive impact on people's feeling of content, it bring brings detrimental effect related to envy. Thus, I think a person who are surrounded by their loved fellows, who can follow their passion as well as who can acquire their life goals can be more happy.
It
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is responsible to foster
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joy
,
however
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joy
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
be contributed
by various other factors. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
crucial factors that can enrich pleasure along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
such as,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
together, living up to their passion and hobbies and achieve their dream goals.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can aid in generating easy, luxurious and happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as anyone can afford what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to do or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
by buying it.
For example
a wealthy
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person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is
financially
stable can spend on travelling, hanging out with friends for relaxation and find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joy
on those moments.
However
, despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
such merits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
huge funds with self, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
cannot always
be satisfied
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
being
wealthy can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
clashes in personal
as well
as business relationships
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of greed or jealousy. It can result in destructive living.
Therefore
, in my opinion, there are other beneficial reasons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joy
in one's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. The most obvious reason is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
the beloved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
that may be family or friend together can flourish their happiness.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
support and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
contentment on the person's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Along with this, when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
follow their hobby and practices it with their dedication to build up as the passion, he can find pleasure every time doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. Adding up, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
when achieves their life-long goals after a long hardship, can feel himself in the sixth heaven. He can find source of happiness in the process of attaining success.
In conclusion
, while it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's feeling of content, it
Did you mean "brings"?
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
detrimental effect related to envy.
Thus
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are surrounded
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
fellows,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can follow their passion
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can acquire their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
goals can be more happy.
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IELTS essay MONEY CAN BRING PEOPLE HAPPINESS BUT, IN FACT THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT REASONS FOR A PERSON'S HAPPINESS. WITH THIS STATEMENT.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
318 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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