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“Mommy, can I go with you?” I eagerly asked. She said:” Mmm … Okay, hold this”. She drove me in the Dream motorbike to a place where the residents living here thought it was just like a paradise whenever the nightfall covered it. I saw the moonlight illuminates the whole location

“Mommy, can I go with you? ” I eagerly asked. She said: ” Mmm … Okay, hold this”. She drove me in the Dream motorbike to a place where the residents living here thought it was just like a paradise whenever the nightfall covered it. I saw the moonlight illuminates the whole location wnAEn
“Mommy, can I go with you? ” I eagerly asked. She said: ” Mmm … Okay, hold this”. She drove me in the Dream motorbike to a place where the residents living here thought it was just like a paradise whenever the nightfall covered it. I saw the moonlight illuminates the whole location, a slight warm breeze got rid of the heat or the hum of machines everywhere. It made me forget all the hustle and bustle of life to immerse myself in this enormous space. This is the image of the beginning of the new crop in the field during the sweltering day. As a peasant, they want to be a night owl more than a morning person. And my father is one of the famers who drives the plow. His body was always covered in mud, trying to quickly eat the dinner that my mom and I brought to him and then continuing to finish the field. No matter how hard they have to face up, they always muster up the strength to handle that. We left the motorbike for him and went for a walk to our home. Because we did not know the time when he accomplished his work to wait for him to go with. On the way back home, I asked myself if this tranquility was just a cover of a tedious lifestyle. People are
“
In some contexts, this is childish language. Consider alternatives.
Mommy
, can I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
you? ” I
eagerly
asked. She said:
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
”
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mmm
… Okay, hold this”. She drove me in the Dream motorbike to a place where the residents living here
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like a paradise whenever the nightfall covered it. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the moonlight illuminates the whole location, a slight warm breeze
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
rid of the heat or the hum of machines everywhere. It made me forget all the hustle and bustle of life to immerse myself in this enormous space. This is the image of the beginning of the new crop in the field during the sweltering day. As a peasant, they want to be a night owl more than a morning person. And my father is one of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
famers
who drives the plow. His body was always covered in mud, trying to
quickly
eat the dinner that my mom and I brought to him and then continuing to finish the field. No matter how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face up, they always muster up the strength to handle that. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
the motorbike for him and went for a walk to our home.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
we did not know the time when he accomplished his work to wait for him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
.

On the way back home, I asked myself if this tranquility was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a cover of a tedious lifestyle.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
are

IELTS essay “Mommy, can I go with you? ” I eagerly asked. She said: ” Mmm … Okay, hold this”. She drove me in the Dream motorbike to a place where the residents living here thought it was just like a paradise whenever the nightfall covered it. I saw the moonlight illuminates the whole location

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
230 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • “Mommy, can I go with you?” I eagerly asked. She said:” Mmm … Okay, hold this”. She drove me in the Dream motorbike to a place where the residents living here thought it was just like a paradise whenever the nightfall covered it. I saw the moonlight illuminates the whole location