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modern technology have changed the way the children spend in their free time. Do advantage if this free time

modern technology have changed the way the children spend in their free time. Do advantage if this free time kW3WW
Technology, a big discover that totally change the humanity life and also bring the people to new era. Help the human step one more step to the future, the ability of technology is unlimited and it also bring a lot of benefits to the users and really useful. Nowaday, the technology not just only can see on working but it also appears in every family. But technology seems like is too deeply inside everybody, especially the children from four to six years old. In the past, the children when they have free time, they usually go and playing with friends that same age or different age with them a little to hang out. You can easily see there are a lot of kids playing and having fun with each other like a group. Now when you see it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
"Discover" is a proper noun and needs to be capitalized.
discover
that
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the humanity life and
also
bring the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to new era.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Help
the human step one more step to the future, the ability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is unlimited
and it
also
Did you mean "brings"?
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits to the users and
really
useful.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nowaday
, the
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technology
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
on working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
appears in every family.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
seems like is too
deeply
inside everybody,
especially
the children from four to six years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. In the past, the children when they have free time, they
usually
go and playing with friends that same age or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age with them a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
to hang out. You can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
kids playing and having fun with each other like a group.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
when you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
it
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IELTS essay modern technology have changed the way the children spend in their free time. Do advantage if this free time

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
137 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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