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Modern technology has improved our life. Disadvantages and advantages

Modern technology has improved our life. Disadvantages and advantages 2boa6
There is a controversial view whether state-of-the-art technology has enhanced individuals’ life more straightforwardly and safer or has technology made human life more complicated and perilous. In my opinion, although it has certain drawbacks of technology, even though I believe that the benefits outweigh the former. On the one hand, technology has affected our lives more profoundly, in terms of opportunities and more accessibility. Virtual reality in medicine, for instance, has allowed to observe people’s body more deeply and in 3D view rather than watching from the Internet or pictures. Moreover, tablets, computers, and smartphones have impacted on education area, as they allow students to be informed more knowledgeable. Personally, I have been using all contemporary devices all my entire life and I have noticed the technology allows individuals to be followed in the modern world. Having used the appliances, people are able to acquire more knowledge in the 21st of century than it used to be. On the other hand, technology has several disadvantages in terms of personal policy and health issues. Thanks to technology, a vast majority of governments have been surveilling citizens through Artificial intelligence which infringes human rights. Apart from surveillance, technology has a detrimental effect on human eye-vision. For example, in Kazakhstan, it is noticeable that young learners have been using glasses for the eye-vision. If people devote an ample amount of time to the technology, not only do their data are leaked to the outsource, but also they are prone to lose a vital source of vision. Having considered the advantages and disadvantages, I believe that although technology has many negative sides, however, it has more positive sides which outweigh the former group. Nevertheless, it is essential to note that we have to utilize technology only in an appropriate way that allows us to develop our minds.
There is a controversial view whether state-of-the-art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has enhanced individuals’ life more
straightforwardly
and safer or has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
made human life more complicated and perilous. In my opinion, although it has certain drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
even though
I believe that the benefits outweigh the former.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
more
profoundly
, in terms of opportunities and more accessibility. Virtual reality in medicine,
for instance
, has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
Did you mean "observing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'allow' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to observe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s body more
deeply
and in 3D view
rather
than watching from the Internet or pictures.
Moreover
, tablets, computers, and smartphones have impacted on education area, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
students to
be informed
more knowledgeable.
Personally
, I have been using all contemporary devices all my entire life and I have noticed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
individuals to
be followed
in the modern world. Having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the appliances,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are able to acquire more knowledge in the 21st of century than it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has several disadvantages in terms of personal policy and health issues. Thanks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, a vast majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
have been
Possible spelling mistake found.
surveilling
citizens through Artificial intelligence which infringes human rights. Apart from surveillance,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has a detrimental effect on human eye-vision.
For example
, in Kazakhstan, it is noticeable that young learners have been using glasses for the eye-vision. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
devote an ample amount of time to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do their data
are leaked
to
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'outsource' is correct. If 'outsource' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the outsource
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they are prone to lose a vital source of vision.

Having considered the advantages and disadvantages, I believe that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides,
however
, it has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides which outweigh the former group.
Nevertheless
, it is essential to note that we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
utilize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Consider replacing "in an appropriate way" with the adverb for "appropriate"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an appropriate way
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
us to develop our minds.

IELTS essay Modern technology has improved our life. Disadvantages and advantages

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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