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Modern music is an incredible popular all over the world.

Modern music is an incredible popular all over the world. bYYYY
Shopping can sometimes become a way people express their hunger. It used to be a necessity providing for our needs to survive. Nowadays, it is more than that, it has become a tool to satisfy people who have their physical needs met but, still need attention and love! Almost four decade ago, we only needed to do shopping for essential items, but, now it is completely the opposite. Qur essential needs are exactly the same. In the past, we had to put in a larger effort to bu all buy essential items. For instance, I remember that my mom would sew all her childrens clothes and only shop before special events like weddings or other special ceremonies. All of us were so excited of having mended clothes. We had to have waited for it making this so precious! . Buying some tools for sewing was only first step for satisfying our happiness. These days, having a new dress makes our kids happy but, only in the moment. They do not need to wait to have whatever they want. They do not show patience and make any effort to have a new clothes. They are mostly spending time with their family and friends at the shopping mall instead of doing more efficient leisure activities or pleasant outgoings such as sports, reading or exploring their skills etc. Shopping culture makes this new generation more passive about themselves. Moreover one of my friends was shopping as a therapy for her depression. Shopping allowed her to forget every problem she had such as having no children and not having her a dream job. Every time she went shopping, she got approval and attention showing us what she bought. She never got this approval and attention from her parents. In conclusion, I would like to suggest that shopping should be done only if it is necessary, but over-shopping this is not necessity or a positive trend.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
become a way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
express their hunger. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be a necessity providing for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to survive. Nowadays, it is more than that, it has become a tool to satisfy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have their physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
met
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
attention and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
!

Almost four
Possible agreement error. The noun 'decade' seems to be countable, so consider using: "decades".
decade
ago, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
needed to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
for essential items,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it is completely the opposite.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Qur
essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
are exactly the same. In the past, we had to put in a larger effort to
Make sure that 'bu' is an abbreviation (bureau, bushel). Did you mean "by", "but", "bug", or "bus"?
bu
all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
essential items.
For instance
, I remember that my mom would sew all her
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
clothes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
shop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
like weddings or other special ceremonies. All of us were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
excited of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
mended clothes. We had to have waited for it making this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
precious!
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Buying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tools for sewing was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
first
step for satisfying our happiness.

These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a new dress
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our kids happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
Did you mean "at the moment" (=currently)?
in the moment
. They do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to wait to have whatever they want. They do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
patience and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any effort to have a new
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "(clothes)"?
clothes
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
are
mostly
spending time with their family and friends at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
mall
instead
of doing more efficient leisure activities or pleasant outgoings such as sports, reading or exploring their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
etc.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
culture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
this new generation more passive about themselves.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
one of my friends was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as a therapy for her depression.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
her to forget every problem she had such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
no children and not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
her a dream job. Every time she went
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
approval and attention showing us what she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
. She never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
this approval and attention from her parents.

In conclusion
, I would like to suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
should
be done
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
if it is necessary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
over-shopping this is not necessity or a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend.

IELTS essay Modern music is an incredible popular all over the world.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
321 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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