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Modern lifestyles mean that many parents have little time for their children. Many children suffer because they do not get as much attention from their parents as children did in the past. Do you agree or disagree?

Modern lifestyles mean that many parents have little time for their children. Many children suffer because they do not get as much attention from their parents as children did in the past. 3rqJ
Life in today's world have become hectic. Workforce environment compared to past have changed, with involvement of woman's. This leads parents to work and due to which they are not able to give major attention to their children. Firstly, Today's style of living is much different from past. Basic needs of family have either changed or increased. Owing to which single member of family is not able to fulfill all the needs. Some products or activities which were regarded as luxury is now become a necessity. Apart from this, cost of living in society have increased as well.
Life in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world have become hectic. Workforce environment compared to past have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
, with involvement of woman's. This leads parents to work and due to which they are not able to give major attention to their children.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
's style of living is much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from past. Basic needs of family have either
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
or increased. Owing to which single member of family is not able to fulfill all the needs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
products or activities which
were regarded
as luxury is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
become a necessity. Apart from this, cost of living in society have increased
as well
.
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IELTS essay Modern lifestyles mean that many parents have little time for their children. Many children suffer because they do not get as much attention from their parents as children did in the past.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
98 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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