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Modern Children Are Suffering From Diseases That Were Once Considered To Be Meant For Adults Only

Modern Children Are Suffering From Diseases That Were Once Considered To Be Meant For Adults Only RRnpP
In the good old days, children used to be fit and healthy. Now we are living in a modern world where many changes have taken place. Children these days are affected by diseases like obesity. There are several factors responsible for it and immediate measures need to be taken. I would discuss both of them in following paragraphs. Firstly, I would say the primary reason for childhood obesity is the consumption of junk foods. The junk food doesn’t offer essential nutrition to the body. Several ingredients used in the junk foods are the root cause of the side effects caused by it. One of them are the preservatives like high levels of sodium and enzymes which has adverse effect on children’s health if consumed regularly. Also, the fillers and toppings used in them like cheese and mayonnaise are of very high fat content and provide very high calories to the body. Secondly, the lack of physical activity among the children is also one of the main reasons for obesity and other health related issues. The amount of calories consumed, should be equally burned to maintain a good physique. The only way for children to achieve this is to engage in physical activity. The possible solution to this problem is to limit children’s consumption of fast food. Parents should monitor the calorie intake of their children. They also need to ensure that their children are served healthy homecooked meals. In addition, schools should ban junk food in their canteens and allocate more hours for physical activity. To conclude, the problem of childhood obesity can be overcome only by limiting children’s consumption of junk food and encouraging them to get physically active.
In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
be fit
and healthy.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
we are living in a modern world where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
have taken place.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
these days are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by diseases like obesity. There are several factors responsible for it and immediate measures need to
be taken
. I would discuss both of them in following paragraphs.

Firstly
, I would say the primary reason for childhood obesity is the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
doesn’t offer essential nutrition to the body. Several ingredients
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are the root cause of the side effects caused by it. One of them are the preservatives like high levels of sodium and enzymes which has adverse effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health if consumed
regularly
.
Also
, the fillers and toppings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in them like cheese and mayonnaise are of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
content and provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high calories to the body.
Secondly
, the lack of physical activity among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is
also
one of the main reasons for obesity and other health related issues. The amount of calories consumed, should be
equally
burned to maintain a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
physique. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to achieve this is to engage in physical activity.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
possible solution to this problem is to limit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
consumption of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Parents should monitor the calorie intake of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They
also
need to ensure that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are served
healthy
Possible spelling mistake found.
homecooked
meals.
In addition
, schools should ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in their canteens and allocate more hours for physical activity.

To conclude
, the problem of childhood obesity can
be overcome
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by limiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and encouraging them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
physically
active.
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IELTS essay Modern Children Are Suffering From Diseases That Were Once Considered To Be Meant For Adults Only

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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