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Modern appliances in the home have become more common, leaving no doubt that advances in technology have improved our lifestyle. v.6

Modern appliances in the home have become more common, leaving no doubt that advances in technology have improved our lifestyle. v. 6
We started living in a cave, as the history suggests, and thanks to the novelty and advancement of modern technology that we now live in a grand apartment with many facilities which were unimaginable even a century ago. From an uncertain life where our ancestors had to deal with constant fears of darkness and lurking predators, we have a remarkably comfortable and advanced lifestyle and this has all been possible due to the innovation in technology. It is often argued by many that modern technology has given us comfort but has cost us dearly. As an example, they point out that we have become less active and more dependent on machines, especially on the household appliances. According to them, this is a backwards step and apparatuses cannot improve our lifestyle. What they fail to realise is that the blessing of science has eradicated many deadly diseases that had often wiped out cities and made us vulnerable like ants in the water. Advancement in technology is not a one-dimensional straight line, it is a spark of light and without it, we would still be at the mercy of natural calamities. People may blame science for the contamination of food or the advent of fast food, but it is worth mentioning that without science, we would have a world war for the food crisis. The household appliances like washing machines and vacuum cleaners have reduced the manual labour of cleaning while rice cookers, microwave ovens, coffee makers and electric kettles have improved the way we cook at home. We no longer need to end our day when the sun sets as electric bulbs illuminate the world. Thus it might be easy to criticise the innovation and wonder the science has brought to our life but living without them is utterly impossible. For instance, imagine what the world would be without the electricity, refrigerators, TVs and the internet. Unimaginable even for a day. To conclude, it is undeniably true that modern household appliances have made our tasks easier, faster and more accurate. With this, we have a better lifestyle and more time to spend with our family members or to enjoy our leisure activities.
We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
living in a cave, as the history suggests, and thanks to the novelty and advancement of modern technology that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a grand apartment with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
facilities which were unimaginable even a century ago. From an uncertain life where our ancestors had to deal with constant fears of darkness and lurking predators, we have a
remarkably
comfortable and advanced lifestyle and this has all been possible due to the innovation in technology.

It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that modern technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
us comfort
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
has cost us
dearly
. As an example, they point out that we have become less active and more dependent on machines,
especially
on the household appliances. According to them, this is a backwards step and apparatuses cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our lifestyle. What they fail to
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
is that the blessing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
has eradicated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
deadly diseases that had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
wiped out cities and made us vulnerable like ants in the water. Advancement in technology is not a one-dimensional straight line, it is a spark of light and without it, we would
still
be at the mercy of natural calamities.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
may blame
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
for the contamination of food or the advent of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is worth mentioning that without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
, we would have a world war for the food crisis.

The household appliances like washing machines and vacuum cleaners have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the manual
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
of cleaning while rice cookers, microwave ovens, coffee makers and electric kettles have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the way we cook at home. We no longer need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
our day when the sun sets as electric bulbs illuminate the world.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
it might be easy to
Possible spelling mistake. 'criticise' is British English.
criticise
the innovation and wonder the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
has brought to our life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
living without them is
utterly
impossible.
For instance
, imagine what the world would be without the electricity, refrigerators, TVs and the internet. Unimaginable even for a day.

To conclude
, it is
undeniably
true that modern household appliances have made our tasks easier, faster and more accurate. With this, we have a better lifestyle and more time to spend with our family members or to enjoy our leisure activities.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Modern appliances in the home have become more common, leaving no doubt that advances in technology have improved our lifestyle. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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