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Moat spend country much money on education nd they start realise the importance of educationin my opinion two subjects are more important nd which one is leaat important

Moat spend country much money on education nd they start realise the importance of educationin my opinion two subjects are more important nd which one is leaat important yRNP3
It is true that almost all nations invested greater Capital on education when they begin to feel the role of education. In my opinion, Mathematics and Economy, both subjects are paramount crucial for youngsters; whereas, Music is less important for them. The reasons for my preference are explained further in the forthcoming discussion. Discussing the root causes of the main subject for younger people, the one of them is Mathematic. To elaborate this, although all people have at least little knowledge about maths, they failed in some basic calculation. If they are strong in this subject, they will be able to calculate their salaries, interest of money and several basic statistics data. For example, a few labourers, who from the countryside, not able to calculate their work hours and regarding their charges. Therefore, they sometimes feel something wrong happens with them. Apart from this, Economy is salient subject. In the simple way, all people need to calculate the economy of their family and it is the responsibility to maintain that. While youngsters have properly knowledge about the subject, they improve their family’s economy. On the other hand, Music is less important for people. Because of this, though It provided refreshment to people, it does not means they have information about the subject in detail. This subject is provided some fun and this is not helpful in their life compared to the other subjects like Mathematic, Science and Economy. However, some people are very interested in music and they earn money from the music concert, but this is one type of the part time activity. Therefore, Music subject is not compulsory important for young people. Recapitulate, many nations are spending money on education and several subjects are most important as well as less crucial for youngsters. From my preference, Mathematic and Economy are greater important because they are pave the way to develop their family’s economy and solve basic statistics. However, Music is less important because it is only helpful to interested people not for all people and this is provided entertainment.
It is true that almost all nations invested greater Capital on education when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to feel the role of education. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Mathematics
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Economy
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are paramount crucial for youngsters; whereas,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for them. The reasons for my preference are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
further
in the forthcoming discussion.

Discussing the root causes of the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
for younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, the one of them is Mathematic. To elaborate this, although all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have at least
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
knowledge about
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
, they failed in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic calculation. If they are strong in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, they will be able to calculate their salaries, interest of money and several basic statistics data.
For example
, a few
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
, who from the countryside, not able to calculate their work hours and regarding their charges.
Therefore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
feel something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
happens
The verb 'happen' usually requires the preposition "to".
with
them. Apart from this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Economy
is salient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
. In the simple way, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to calculate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
of their family and it is the responsibility to maintain that. While youngsters have
properly
knowledge about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their family’s economy.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Because of this
, though It provided refreshment to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it does not
The verb 'does' requires base form of the verb: "mean"
means
they have information about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in detail. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is provided
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fun and this is not helpful in their life compared to the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like Mathematic, Science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Economy
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interested in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
music and
they earn money from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
concert,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is one type of the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
activity.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is not compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Recapitulate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations are spending money on education and several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
crucial for youngsters. From my preference, Mathematic and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Economy
are greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
Consider using a past participle here: "paved", "paveed".
pave
the way to develop their family’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
and solve basic statistics.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
helpful to interested
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and this
is provided
entertainment.
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IELTS essay Moat spend country much money on education nd they start realise the importance of educationin my opinion two subjects are more important nd which one is leaat important

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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