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Millitary training after school

Millitary training after school dpVdp
All young men should have a short period of military training after finishing their studies. How much do you agree with this opinion and why? Give reasons and examples to support your answer. It is widely believed that many countries have compulsory military service for men after they leave school. While there are good arguments both for and against the issue, I believe that both criteria should be given equal consideration. To a certain extent, I agree that this rule should be there in every country due to this will not only strengthen the armed forces of the country but will also improve the health and security of people. Firstly, Nations have begun to use machines more than men in wars, but the importance of human soldiers cannot be overlooked. If military service is mandatory, people will have no choice but to join the army for a few years. This will help strengthen the army. Moreover, health is another area where people will be benefited from joining the military. Rigorous exercises and activities help in strengthening both mind and body. Increasing fat in people can be dealt with only by physical exercise. In contrast, I believed that military service also has its disadvantages. If one has to do military service right after finishing school, the results of military training will have no real effect. The country forces young people to perform their duties so they will do their jobs with reluctance and no effort to fulfill their duties. Furthermore, this doesn't seem fair to someone smart enough to be a doctor or scientist. This is because youth is the most suitable time for people to broaden their horizons and joining the army is considered a waste of the country's talents. It not only affects the development of the country but also destroys a person's dream. In conclusion, I think short-term military adoption for men has both advantages and disadvantages. However, these governments should adjust their policies to suit their conditions so that both sides benefit between the government and the people.
All young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
should have a short period of military training after finishing their studies. How much do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion and why? Give reasons and examples to support your answer.

It is
widely
believed that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have compulsory military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
after they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
school. While there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
arguments both for and against the issue, I believe that both criteria should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
equal consideration.

To a certain extent, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
should be there in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
due to this will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
strengthen the armed forces of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the health and security of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
, Nations have begun to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
machines more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in wars,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the importance of human soldiers cannot
be overlooked
. If military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
is mandatory,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have no choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the army for a few years. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
strengthen the army.
Moreover
, health is another area where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be benefited
from joining the military. Rigorous exercises and activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in strengthening both mind and body. Increasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
be dealt
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by physical exercise.

In contrast
, I believed that military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
also
has its disadvantages. If one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
do military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
right after finishing school, the results of military training will have no real effect. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
forces young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to perform their duties
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will do their jobs with reluctance and no effort to fulfill their duties.
Furthermore
, this doesn't seem
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
to someone smart
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to be a doctor or scientist. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
youth is the most suitable time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to broaden their horizons and joining the army
is considered
a waste of the country's talents. It not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affects the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroys
a person's dream.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
short-term military adoption for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
has both advantages and disadvantages.
However
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should adjust their policies to suit their conditions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that both sides benefit between the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay Millitary training after school

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
341 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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