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Men should go to work and women place is in the home. To what extend do you agree or disagree

Men should go to work and women place is in the home. pRaGL
1. It is no longer appropriate in modern life. Reality situation has changed. People have to adjust so they can be more adaptive to their family condition or their current lives so they can have a better life or better living standard. Many women continue to pursue their career after getting married, more men stay at home to do housework, take care of the family. Therefore the idea that men should be a breadwinner and women should stay at home is out of date and it is not suitable for nowadays life. 2. If people keep thinking like that, it will show gender discrimination not just against women but also men. Some people think that women have to stay at home, taking care of the family. That means there are dependent on their husband don’t have their voices in family decisions. Not just women, young girls are also affected. They are not allowed to go to school as their parents don’t think that they have to study because when their children grow up they think their children just stay at home and be a housewife. But women and young girls are not the only ones men are being affected too. If they are the only one in the family that goes to work they will have so many expectations and burden from other people and their family on their own. Being the sole breadwinner in the family, many men have to work two times harder to support his family. It just makes everyone in the family restricted they can not do the things they want or showing their abilities.
1. It is no longer appropriate in modern life.

Reality situation has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
adjust
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can be more adaptive to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
condition or their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can have a better life or better living standard.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
continue to pursue their career after getting married, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
at home to do housework, take care of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
should be a breadwinner and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
at home is out of date and it is not suitable for nowadays life.

2. If
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
thinking like that, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
gender discrimination not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
at home, taking care of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. That means there are dependent on their husband don’t have their voices in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
decisions. Not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, young girls are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
. They are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to go to school as their parents don’t
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think
that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when their children grow up they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
their children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
at home and be a housewife.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and young girls are not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
too. If they are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
that goes to work they will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
expectations and burden from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. Being the sole breadwinner in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work two times harder to support his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. It
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
everyone in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
restricted they can not do the things they want or showing their abilities.
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IELTS essay Men should go to work and women place is in the home.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Men should go to work and women place is in the home. To what extend do you agree or disagree