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Men and women are different in terms of their characteristics and abilities. For this reason, some jobs are better done by men and others by women. Do you agree or disagree? v.4

Men and women are different in terms of their characteristics and abilities. For this reason, some jobs are better done by men and others by women. v. 4
It is said that males and females differ in many aspects due to their natural genders. Therefore, many people firmly believe that some kind of works is suitable for men, and women are good in other types of jobs, whereas some think that there should be no discrimination between males and females in case of job opportunities. I agree with the latter thought for several reasons, which are discussed in the following paragraphs. First of all, gender stereotypes no longer exist in modern society. For many years the majority had been insisting on the belief that women were fragile and therefore, they should not have done tough works. For example, practicing in farmlands considered to be a masculine task. However, now the situation has changed to a great deal of extent, and more women are seen in jobs which require physical abilities. For instance, it will not be surprising seeing a woman on top of a skyscraper supervising a group of male workers. Secondly, with the appearance of feminist sects, it has been ages that the definition of masculine and feminine tasks has altered. In fact, the borders of what used to decide whether a career was proper for males or females have blurred. As an example, if a company decides to announce a job advertisement, it is not allowed to put a limit on the gender of applicants. To conclude, although it has been believed that some jobs are particularly for men and women could not be successful in, the definition of masculine and feminine has vastly changed. Once again, I reaffirm my position that there should be no gender discrimination in offering individuals a specific job just because of expired thoughts of the previous generations.
It
is said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and females differ in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects due to their natural genders.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
firmly
believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of works is suitable for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in other types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there should be no discrimination between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and females in case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
for several reasons, which
are discussed
in the following paragraphs.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, gender stereotypes no longer exist in modern society. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years the majority had been insisting on the belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were fragile and
therefore
, they should not have done tough works.
For example
, practicing in farmlands considered to be a masculine task.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the situation has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
to a great deal of extent, and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which require physical abilities.
For instance
, it will not be surprising seeing a woman on top of a skyscraper supervising a group of male workers.

Secondly
, with the appearance of feminist sects, it has been ages that the definition of masculine and feminine tasks has altered. In fact, the borders of what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to decide whether a career was proper for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
or females have blurred. As an example, if a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
decides to announce a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
advertisement, it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to put a limit on the gender of applicants.

To conclude
, although it has
been believed
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are
particularly
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
could not be successful in, the definition of masculine and feminine has
vastly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. Once again, I reaffirm my position that there should be no gender discrimination in offering individuals a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of expired thoughts of the previous generations.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Men and women are different in terms of their characteristics and abilities. For this reason, some jobs are better done by men and others by women. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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