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Medical doctors are moving to cities to earn more money but in rural areas I need more doctors why they are moving to cities give reasons

Medical doctors are moving to cities to earn more money but in rural areas I need more doctors why they are moving to cities give reasons 5mRV
In this developing world, people with medical degrees are flocking to cities to earn great amount of money instead of working in rural areas. Due to the reduction of medical facilities, problems related to health are increasing to a great amount. In my point of view, this problem may be caused by improper fundings, low salaries and lack of medical equipments. First of all, in rural areas many hospitals do not have enough equipments and facilities to treat a serious patient and this can results into death of an individual, then, people starts giving threatening statements to doctors, this can increase violation in rural areas. Thererfore, govt. should examine all the problems in rural areas and provide enough medical facilities as well as they should run health related schemes by which both doctors and individuals get benefits, as this is a major problem in rural areas. On the other hand, having less number of hospitals and staff, medical doctors have big burden to deal with the people and even after handling with this situation they do not receive appropriate salary. Because of this, they are flocking to cities in quest of lucrative salaries. Moreover, medical degree holders should understand that their need in rural areas has increasing day by day because one doctor in one village is not sufficient. In other words, not only public but private hospitals must be constructed in rural areas, this will attract the number of staff and doctors. To conclude, proper fundings and advance equipments can increase the number of medical doctors and govt. and private sector should construct more hospitals in rural areas which can help people to meet fine medical facilities and doctors can also get adequate income.
In this developing world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
degrees are flocking to cities to earn great amount of money
instead
of working in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. Due to the reduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
facilities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
related to health are increasing to a great amount. In my point of view, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
may
be caused
by improper
Possible spelling mistake found.
fundings
, low salaries and lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
equipments.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
equipments and facilities to treat a serious patient and this can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "result"
results
into death of an individual, then,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
starts
giving threatening statements to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
, this can increase violation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Thererfore
, govt. should examine all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
and provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
facilities
as well
as they should run health related schemes by which both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefits, as this is a major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
areas.

On the other hand
, having less number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
and staff,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
burden to deal with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and even after handling with this situation they do not receive appropriate salary.
Because of this
, they are flocking to cities in quest of lucrative salaries.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
degree holders should understand that their need in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
has increasing day by day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
in one village is not sufficient.
In other words
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
public
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be constructed
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, this will attract the number of staff and doctors.

To conclude
, proper
Possible spelling mistake found.
fundings
and advance equipments can increase the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and govt. and private sector should construct more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
fine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
facilities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
adequate income.
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IELTS essay Medical doctors are moving to cities to earn more money but in rural areas I need more doctors why they are moving to cities give reasons

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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