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ME PEOPLE BELİEVE FAMOUS PEOPLE'SUPPORT TOWARDS İNTERNATİONAL AİD ORGANİZATİONS DRAWS THE ATTENTİON TO PROBLEM,WHİLE OTHERS THİNK CELEBRİTİES MAKE THE PROBLEM LESS İMPORTANT.DİSCUSS BOTH VİEWS AND GİVE YOUR OPİNİON.

ME PEOPLE BELİEVE FAMOUS PEOPLE'SUPPORT TOWARDS İNTERNATİONAL AİD ORGANİZATİONS DRAWS THE ATTENTİON TO PROBLEM, WHİLE OTHERS THİNK CELEBRİTİES MAKE THE PROBLEM LESS İMPORTANT. DİSCUSS BOTH VİEWS AND GİVE YOUR OPİNİON. 3a01b
There has been a difference of opinion regarding the topic that global aid organization borrow celebrities'power to raise public awareness of social issues, such as poverty reduction, whereas some argue that this activity might be dispensable. Some people opine that this is a negative change, while l would argue that being supported of international aid organizations by celebrities will bring more positive change to society. One the one hand, l understand why some people support the opinion that certain famous people can cause the loss of urgency of the problem. Firstly, there are certain celebrities who leads unhealthy life style because of an extremly great amount of money. İn other words, some of the famous people who are addicted to some harmful habits, like drug addiction are a bad example for the one who will present international aid organizations. İn addition, a great number of superstars only want to increase their fame by participating in certain aid organization, as a result of which the involvment of them might be neglected. On the other hand, l would argue that this trend has much more positive change to government. Firtly, super stars who participate in charity activities are likely to be useful to the media that spends a large proportion of their time to bring the information to great number of viewer. To be more specific, celebrities, such as movie stars are the best way for attracting attention of society easly. Moreover, because of the famous people, an overwhelming majority of inhabitants can be able to access things which they have never concerned before. Consequently, that celebrities take part in certain crucial and significant aid companies help widen the amount of donation given for the needed organizations. İn conclusion, even though there are certain negative sides for global aid organizations in terms of participating famous people, l am of the opinion that celebrities should join these types of organizations because they are more beneficals for getting success.
There has been a difference of opinion regarding the topic that global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
borrow celebrities'power to raise public awareness of social issues, such as poverty reduction, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that this activity might be dispensable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
opine that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, while l would argue that
being supported
of international
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aid
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organizations
by
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celebrities
will bring more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
to society.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand, l understand why
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some
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people
support the opinion that
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certain
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famous
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people
can cause the loss of urgency of the problem.
Firstly
, there are
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certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
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who
Did you mean "lead"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'celebrities' should be used.
leads
unhealthy life style
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of an
Possible spelling mistake found.
extremly
great amount of money.
Possible spelling mistake found.
İn
other words, s
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ome
of the f
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amous
p
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eople
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who
are addicted
to s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ome
harmful habits, like drug addiction are a b
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ad
example for the one
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who
will present international
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aid
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organizations
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
İn
addition, a great number of superstars on
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ly w
ant to increase their fame by participating in
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certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
, as
a result o
f which the
Possible spelling mistake found.
involvment
of them might
be neglected
.

On
the other hand,
l would argue that this trend has much more po
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sitive c
h
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ange t
o go
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vernment.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Firtly
, super stars
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
participate in charity activities are likely to be useful to the media that spends a large proportion of their time to bring the information to great number of viewer. To be more specific,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
, such as movie stars are the best way for attracting attention of society
Possible spelling mistake found.
easly
. Mo
reover,
be
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cause o
f the fa
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mous p
e
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ople,
an overwhelming majority of inhabitants can be able to access things which they have never concerned be
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fore.
Co
nsequently,
that
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celebrities
ta
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ke part i
n
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certain
crucial and significant
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aid
co
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mpanies h
e
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lp w
iden the amount of donation gi
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ven f
or the needed organizations.

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İn
conclusion, eve
n though th
ere are
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certain
neg
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ative si
des for global
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aid
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organizations
in terms of participating fam
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ous pe
o
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ple, l
am of the opinion that
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celebrities
should joi
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
n th
ese types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
bec
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ause th
ey are more
Possible spelling mistake found.
beneficals
for getting success.
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IELTS essay ME PEOPLE BELİEVE FAMOUS PEOPLE'SUPPORT TOWARDS İNTERNATİONAL AİD ORGANİZATİONS DRAWS THE ATTENTİON TO PROBLEM, WHİLE OTHERS THİNK CELEBRİTİES MAKE THE PROBLEM LESS İMPORTANT. DİSCUSS BOTH VİEWS AND GİVE YOUR OPİNİON.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • ME PEOPLE BELİEVE FAMOUS PEOPLE'SUPPORT TOWARDS İNTERNATİONAL AİD ORGANİZATİONS DRAWS THE ATTENTİON TO PROBLEM,WHİLE OTHERS THİNK CELEBRİTİES MAKE THE PROBLEM LESS İMPORTANT.DİSCUSS BOTH VİEWS AND GİVE YOUR OPİNİON.