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Many parents think they should be friends with their children on social networks. To what extent do you agree?

Many parents think they should be friends with their children on social networks. RNw38
In this digital age, social network plays a fundamental role in the life of youngsters. As a result, many fathers and mothers believe that they should accompany with their kids on social networks. In my opinion, I partly agree with this point of view On the one hand, there are several reasons why parents should not become the friends of children on social network. Firstly, the privacy of kids is supposed to be respected by the family. This is because parents are often felt to be strict to the post and statuses on the Internet of the children; therefore, the virtual way of life of youngsters will become uncomfortable and there might be conflicts between family members. Moreover, parents are believed to be extremely busy in this digital age. This means that they may have to finish a huge amount of workload on the Internet. Henceforth, the parents would not have enough time for social networks or being friends with their kids. On the other hand, some methods can be taken into consideration about making friends with the kids without the need of social network sites. First and foremost, parents may spend a precious time after school talking to theirs kids. This is due to the fact that children are more likely to obey their parents in direct communication. Furthermore, the habits of a child are expected to be concerned by the family members, meaning that they can make friends with the kids by playing with them, as well as strengthening the family relationship. In conclusion, while many fathers and mothers think that they have to be the kids’ friends on the social media, I totally disagree because of the rights of the child and the specific characteristic of parents’ occupation.
In this digital age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
network
plays a fundamental role in the life of youngsters.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fathers and mothers believe that they should
The usual collocation for "accompany" is "by," not "with." It is better to say this: "accompany by".
accompany with
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
. In my opinion, I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
view


On the one hand, there are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should not become the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
of children on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
network
.
Firstly
, the privacy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
is supposed
to
be respected
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
felt to be strict to the post and statuses on the Internet of the children;
therefore
, the virtual way of life of youngsters will become uncomfortable and there might be conflicts between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are believed
to be
extremely
busy in this digital age. This means that they may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
finish a huge amount of workload on the Internet. Henceforth, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
or being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
with their kids.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
methods can
be taken
into consideration about making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
without the need of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
network
sites.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
may spend a precious time after school talking to theirs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
This is due to the fact that
children are more likely to obey their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in direct communication.
Furthermore
, the habits of a child are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to
be concerned
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members, meaning that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
by playing with them,
as well
as strengthening the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relationship.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fathers and mothers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media, I
totally
disagree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the rights of the child and the specific characteristic of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
occupation.
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IELTS essay Many parents think they should be friends with their children on social networks.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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