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Many young people today leave school with a negative attitude towards learning. Why is this? And what can be done to encourage a positive attitude to learning in young people?

Many young people today leave school with a negative attitude towards learning. Why is this? And what can be done to encourage a positive attitude to learning in young people? pBR2
Many young people leave school without insist on to study for this question to have many reasons, the first is reason that many people leave school to went work in society since employer choose many employee to give huge amount of work stress, young people who need to spend a lot of time in job to deal with work task so that these young people not other time continue studying. Besides, many young people who study only to have many exam in the school that they not hard to study so that they cannot pass exam without graduation in the university. Also young people suppose them graduation also not spend time studying who want to spend more time in other thing such as sleep lazy not to be reading. In addition，many young people who leave school without studying environment with classmate together. this reason also many people negative attitude learning reason, while one person who become more essay lazy, for example it like play games and watching soap opera to acquire a short happy time. For the reason that now society have many ways to encourage positive studying in young people, due to many companies have some work skills to require will give people many excellent policy for employee continue learning award, such as to increase salary and to rise rest vocation and so on, young people afford many to encourage change negative studying attitude. Otherwise, many young people who rest time to go library since where have good learning environment as well as also very quite more essay concentrate studying.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
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young
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
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school
without insist on to study for this question to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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reasons
, the
first
is
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reason
that
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many
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
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school
to went
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work
in society since employer choose
Possible agreement error. The noun employee seems to be countable; consider using: "many employees".
many employee
to give huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
need to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in job to deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
task
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
continue studying.

Besides
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to have
Possible agreement error. The noun exam seems to be countable; consider using: "many exams".
many exam
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
that they not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they cannot pass exam without graduation in the university.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suppose them graduation
also
not spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
want to spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in other thing such as sleep lazy not to be reading.

In addition
，
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
environment with classmate together.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
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reason
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
attitude learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
, while one person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
become more essay lazy,
for example
it like play games and watching soap opera to acquire a short happy time.

For the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
society have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to encourage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to require will give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
excellent policy for employee continue learning award, such as to increase salary and to rise rest vocation and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
afford
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
to encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
attitude.

Otherwise
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
rest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to go library since where have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
learning environment
as well
as
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
quite more essay concentrate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
.
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IELTS essay Many young people today leave school with a negative attitude towards learning. Why is this? And what can be done to encourage a positive attitude to learning in young people?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
261 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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