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Many young people today are leaving their homes in the countryside to move to cities. Why is this happening? What can be done to encourage young people to stay in rural areas?

Many young people today are leaving their homes in the countryside to move to cities. Why is this happening? What can be done to encourage young people to stay in rural areas? YN9n
At present, frequent migration of people from rural areas to cities is grabbing attention. This is mainly because cities are seen as places of new opportunity, to take measures to obtain better education, and employment. In my opinion, the government could deal with a problem with different approaches. There is no doubt that weak educational infrastructure in the countryside is one of the factors encouraging people to move to a metropolis. That is to say, experienced teachers and latest innovations are rare phenomena in rural areas. These are the reasons for young people migrating for new skills, better education and equipped institutions. Another issue in rural villages is enduring a high rate of unemployment. Huge gap between the inhabitants and available jobs causes elevated unemployment. Consequently, this circumstance supports an idea of migrating for new or higher-paid jobs. One of the solutions to find a remedy for a situation, the government should invest in attracting literate teachers and bringing technology to improve society’s educational level. Teachers, for example, play a crucial role in young people’s life. Since students spend much of their time with them, they make a huge contribution on becoming a potential well-educated worker, which in turn may prevent people from moving from rural areas. In addition, the government can reduce migration by developing small towns and the countryside’s economy. Reducing taxes on production in rurals, for example, can grab the attention of investors, which may be followed by creating new job positions and keeping inhabitants employed. In conclusion, people migrate taking into account their future career. In my opinion, it is important to think forward and move to an industrial site on time. However, the government should take the initiative and stave off the issue, otherwise, it may entail other unplanned problems afterwards.
At present, frequent migration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
areas to cities is grabbing attention. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
cities are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as places of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
opportunity, to take measures to obtain better education, and employment. In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could deal with a problem with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
approaches.

There is no doubt that weak educational infrastructure in the countryside is one of the factors encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to a metropolis.
That is
to say, experienced teachers and latest innovations are rare phenomena in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
areas. These are the reasons for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
migrating for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, better education and equipped institutions. Another issue in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
villages is enduring a high rate of unemployment. Huge gap between the inhabitants and available jobs causes elevated unemployment.
Consequently
, this circumstance supports an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of migrating for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
or higher-paid jobs.

One of the solutions to find a remedy for a situation, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should invest in attracting literate teachers and bringing technology to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
society’s educational level. Teachers,
for example
, play a crucial role in young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life. Since students spend much of their time with them, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a huge
The usual preposition for "contribution" is "to". Did you mean "contribution to"?
contribution on
becoming a potential well-educated worker, which in turn may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from moving from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
areas.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
migration by developing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
towns and the countryside’s economy. Reducing taxes on production in
Possible spelling mistake found.
rurals
,
for example
, can grab the attention of investors, which may
be followed
by creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
job positions and keeping inhabitants employed.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
migrate taking into account their future career. In my opinion, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
forward and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to an industrial site on time.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take the initiative and stave off the issue,
otherwise
, it may entail other unplanned problems afterwards.
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IELTS essay Many young people today are leaving their homes in the countryside to move to cities. Why is this happening? What can be done to encourage young people to stay in rural areas?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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