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Many young people to run their own business rather than work for an employer.

Many young people to run their own business rather than work for an employer. 95LQ3
Nowadays, young people aspire to work in their own organization instead of working for someone. In my opinion, advantages of this privilege definitely outweigh its drawbacks. I will discuss in upcoming paragraphs. To start with, there are some drawbacks when people work for themselves. Firstly, young people face many obstacles when they start their own business because they do not have enough skills and knowledge which is quite suspicious. Secondly, sometimes people have to face the loss. Lastly, pressure behind the some responsibilities can cause too much stress. For example, some entrepreneur in India established their own company but lack of skills were able to shut the company with losses. On the other side, one of main advantages of working for themselves. First of all, freedom is a good part of running own business because people can take own decisions and follow their own rules. Moreover, people can also keep the profits if the company is successful, if the decisions are right so they will earn more than working for someone. Furthermore, young people to work om their own company with flexible working hours because there are no rule and regulations of working time. In conclusion, every coin has two sides, there are both advantages and disadvantages of running a business. I believe that benefits outweigh the drawbacks. However, not everyone is a risk taker and some prefer to work for others.
Nowadays, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aspire to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
organization
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for someone. In my opinion, advantages of this privilege definitely outweigh its drawbacks. I will discuss in upcoming paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for themselves.
Firstly
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
obstacles when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge which is quite suspicious.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face the loss.
Lastly
, pressure behind the
Did you mean "same"?
some
responsibilities can cause too much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
entrepreneur in India established their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
lack of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
were able to shut the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
with losses.

On the other side, one of main advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for themselves.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, freedom is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
part of running
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions and follow their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the profits if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is successful, if the decisions are right
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will earn more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for someone.
Furthermore
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
Make sure that 'om' refers to a mystic syllable and is not a spelling error. Did you mean "on"?
om
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
with flexible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
and regulations of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
time.

In conclusion
, every coin has two sides, there are both advantages and disadvantages of running a business. I believe that benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
However
, not everyone is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
taker and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for others.
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IELTS essay Many young people to run their own business rather than work for an employer.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
232 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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