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Many young people presently know more about international celebrities than famous people from their history. What are the causes? Give solutions to increase awareness of impactful people in history.

It is true that modern celebrities are more famous compared with historical heroes among younger generations. The fact that the majority of young people are illiterate on their history. Therefore, recording a variety of real based movies about the life of historical people is a satisfactory solution in my opinion. Admittedly, it is unavoidable to meet adults who have not enough knowledge about their history. One of the main reason is that many history books are tedious as well as the way of teaching is also dull. It means all given emphasis are on dates or other circumstances and history teachers do not attract pupils to classes. According to the investigation of Stanford university professors, more than half student who study history field, interested in biography of modern celebrities rather than historical figures, for example. An effective way to tackle this problem is that historical figures should be revived(qayta uyg’onish) again via mass media in order to being famous in the modern world. This could be in the form of recording new movies or serials that should be established by cooperation with the government and movie directories. This kind of movies lead to get to know better about people who lived long years ago. The historical personages that supported and released by Turkish ministry of media, could be a striking example, I think. To conclude, a higher illiteracy rate in history among young people causes to increase unawareness of vital people in history. That is why, I support it would be a workable solution to creating more historical movies instead of fantastic fictions.
It is true that modern celebrities are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
compared with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
heroes among younger generations. The fact that the majority of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are illiterate on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
.
Therefore
, recording a variety of real based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
about the life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is a satisfactory solution in my opinion.

Admittedly
, it is unavoidable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
adults who have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
knowledge about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. One of the main reason is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
books are tedious
as well
as the way of teaching is
also
dull. It means all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
emphasis are on dates or other circumstances and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
teachers do not attract pupils to classes. According to the investigation of
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Stanford university
professors, more than half student who study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
field, interested in biography of modern celebrities
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
figures,
for example
.

An effective way to tackle this problem is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
figures should
be revived
(
Possible spelling mistake found.
qayta
Possible spelling mistake found.
uyg
’
Possible spelling mistake found.
onish
) again via mass media in order to
The verb after “to” should be in the base form: “be”.
being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
in the modern world. This could be in the form of recording new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
or serials that should
be established
by cooperation with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
directories. This kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know better about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
long years ago. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
personages that supported and released by Turkish ministry of media, could be a striking example, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
.

To conclude
, a higher illiteracy rate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
among young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
causes
Did you mean “increasing”? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, ‘cause’ + ‘to’ takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to increase
unawareness of vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
.
That is
why, I support it would be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
workable
solution to creating more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
instead
of fantastic fictions.

IELTS essay Many young people presently know more about international celebrities than famous people from their history. What are the causes? Give solutions to increase awareness of impactful people in history.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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