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Many young people like to stay alone after tertiary. Do you think it is a good thing? i

Many young people like to stay alone after tertiary. Do you think it is a good thing? i oE98q
Several young people decide to leave their parents' home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a home with friends. I think it is a positive development because they must be given room to grow without the assistance of their parents. Parents have to give their children time to grow without interference. Even some of them take freedom the wrong way, it is of great importance that they experience their own mistakes. I believe young people learn from their own mistakes. The influence that young people give each other is always positive. Consequently, it is a good thing if they stay together and share ideas. For example, a good achievement of one encourages the other. Parents' ideas are considered as outdated as compared to those of contemporary life. However, freedom needs to be scrutinized so that they won't make wrong decisions. So parents must continuously give advice that constructs their children's future. Even though I agree on the freedom that needs to be given to young people when they are done with school, but I still think that young people should stay with their parents so that they can be able to save money and be able to buy their first property. They can then leave their parents after buying their property.
Several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their parents' home once they finish school. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
living on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
or sharing a home with friends. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
room to grow without the assistance of their parents.

Parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
give their children time to grow without interference. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them take freedom the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
way, it is of great importance that they experience their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
mistakes. I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learn from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
mistakes. The influence that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give each other is always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.
Consequently
, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing if they stay together and share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
For example
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
achievement of one encourages the other.

Parents'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
are considered
as outdated as compared to those of contemporary life.
However
, freedom needs to
be scrutinized
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they won't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
decisions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
continuously
give advice that constructs their children's future.

Even though
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
on the freedom that needs to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when they
are done
with school,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should stay with their parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can be able to save money and be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their
first
property. They can then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their parents after buying their property.
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IELTS essay Many young people like to stay alone after tertiary. Do you think it is a good thing? i

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
217 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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