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Many young children are now overweight and obesity is a growing problem in many parts of the world. What are the main causes of this problem? Can anything be done to solve this issue?

Many young children are now overweight and obesity is a growing problem in many parts of the world. What are the main causes of this problem? Can anything be done to solve this issue? d3PJE
It is acknowledged to say that there has been a dramatic increase in the number of overweight children in many places of the world. This problem can be attributed to a host of factors, and I believe we could put a stop to this trend by the joint effort of family and the government. There are two main driving causes behind the rise in obesity among young teenagers. First and foremost, the sedentary lifestyle is to blame for. Children nowadays tend to engage in screentime activities such as watching television or playing computer games, which leads to a lack of exercise and therefore they are more likely to put on weight. In addition, youngsters now have an unhealthy diet. This is due to the prevalence of fast food and the young often find it tough to resist the eye-catching forms of these food items, so they make their parents grab a snack on the go. As a result, many of them have excessive consumption of junk food that contains saturated fats and added sugar and be more able to gain weight rapidly. This eating habit, accompanied by a lack of physical activities, has made a lot of school-aged students become obese. There are several measures that could be implemented to deal with this problem. On the governmental level, they should introduce a ban on junk food advertising so as to make fast food less temping to children. Moreover, the state should impose high tax on unhealthy food in order to lower the production of fatty food. On the parental level, parents should let their children do regular exercise and prepare home-cooked meals for their them. Furthermore, both schools and parents should shoulder the responsibility to educate the young to control their intake of harmful fats and hence make healthier food options. In conclusion, the surge in obesity rates can be resulted from the lack of physical participation level and unhealthy diet, and this issue can be solved by the government and the people.
It
is acknowledged
to say that there has been a dramatic increase in the number of overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places of the world. This problem can
be attributed
to a host of factors, and I believe we could put a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
to this trend by the joint effort of family and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

There are two main driving causes behind the rise in obesity among young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
First
and foremost, the sedentary lifestyle is to blame for.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
nowadays tend to engage in
Possible spelling mistake found.
screentime
activities such as watching television or playing computer games, which leads to a lack of exercise and
therefore
they are more likely to put on weight.
In addition
, youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have an unhealthy diet. This is due to the prevalence of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and the young
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
find it tough to resist the eye-catching forms of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their parents grab a snack on the go.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them have excessive consumption of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that contains saturated fats and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
sugar and be more able to gain weight
rapidly
. This eating habit, accompanied by a lack of physical activities, has made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
school-aged students become obese.

There are several measures that could
be implemented
to deal with this problem. On the governmental level, they should introduce a ban on junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
advertising
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
less temping to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Moreover
, the state should impose high tax on unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in order to lower the production of fatty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. On the parental level, parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do regular exercise and prepare home-cooked meals for their them.
Furthermore
, both schools and parents should shoulder the responsibility to educate the young to control their intake of harmful fats and
hence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
healthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
options.

In conclusion
, the surge in obesity rates can
be resulted
from the lack of physical participation level and unhealthy diet, and this issue can
be solved
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
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IELTS essay Many young children are now overweight and obesity is a growing problem in many parts of the world. What are the main causes of this problem? Can anything be done to solve this issue?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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