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Many years ago people used to travel to their workplace.Nowadays a lot of people work at home with increasing the computers. What are the advantages and disadvantages of that?

Many years ago people used to travel to their workplace. Nowadays a lot of people work at home with increasing the computers. What are the advantages and disadvantages of that? k51Ye
Many years ago people used to travel to their place of work. It is claim that the internet has increased nowadays and people start working from home. In this essay I will discuss both sides and give my own view. There are many benefits of working from home. There is no doubt that one of the most obvious advantages of working from home is that you will have enough time for your family. You can cook or do washing on time instead of wasting time for driving to your workplace. In addition to that you can save the money for petrol. Furthermore you can relax when you are tired or eat something when you are hungry. You can wear any cloth you want instead of the uniform which is unfashionable or uncomfortable for you. Also there are a lot of disadvantages. For instance you may get bored or feel alone. Moreover much working with computers or smartphones is very harmful for your eyes. It is important to say that if you work alone you might feel alone yourself. In addition you cannot talk to people or have coffee at your break time with your colleagues or discussing the problems together. In my opinion working from office is the best way. Because you can get on well with people or discuss the questions. It should be taken into account that with working together you will never get tired.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
years ago
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to travel to their place of work. It is claim that the internet has increased nowadays and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home. In this essay I will discuss both sides and give my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
view. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home. There is no doubt that one of the most obvious advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home is that you will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for your family. You can cook or do washing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
instead
of wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for driving to your workplace.
In addition
to that you can save the money for petrol.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
you can relax when you
are tired
or eat something when you are hungry. You can wear any cloth you want
instead
of the uniform which is unfashionable or uncomfortable for you.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
disadvantages. For
The comma is probably missing here: "instance, you".
instance you
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bored or feel alone.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with computers or smartphones is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmful for your eyes. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to say that if you work alone you might feel alone yourself. In
The comma is probably missing here: "addition, you".
addition you
cannot talk to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or have coffee at your break
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with your colleagues or discussing the problems together. In my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from office is the best way.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
on well with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or discuss the questions. It should
be taken
into account that with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
together you will never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tired.
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IELTS essay Many years ago people used to travel to their workplace. Nowadays a lot of people work at home with increasing the computers. What are the advantages and disadvantages of that?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
237 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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