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Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this? v.1

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this? v. 1
Getting adequate exercise is necessary to live a healthy life, but it has been observed that the interest of keeping a fit body has dropped among employed people, who do not engage in physical activity during their workdays as well as rest days. Due to the lack of exercise, combined with sedentary living style, a majority of employed people are suffering from various health problems such as obesity, diabetes, and cardiovascular disease. This essay will describe various reasons behind this trend and then offer some effective measures to deal with the issue. One of the major cause, why many people do not get sufficient exercise or go to a gym, is the cut-throat competition in the corporate sector which has exhausted many people and it not only drains them physically but strains their mind as well. Moreover, low wages and lack of promotional opportunities is another reason due to which people are doing multiple jobs in order to meet the expenses and afford all the basic amenities of life. As a result, in a bid to outdo their colleagues' many professionals do not pay attention to their health and often left with little time to go to a gym or do a workout at their home. There are some measures that can be taken to encourage people to embrace a lifestyle, which includes sufficient physical activity, but government intervention is crucial in this regard. In other words, the government could first launch a media campaign to motivate people to exercise regularly and inform about its health ramifications. Moreover, Private organizations could be instructed to allow their employees to do physical exercise during working hours for which they could build a gym or a swimming pool on the premises of their office. However, this would only be made possible once the government will step in and make it compulsory for the corporate organizations to provide their employees an environment, which promotes adopting a routine of healthy diet and sufficient physical activity. In conclusion, a lack of required exercise has generated many health problems in the workforce. Employed people due to an increasing financial burden and competition do not get enough time to exercise. Therefore, government intervention is vital in encouraging working people to exercise as well as asking organizations to provide sufficient sporting and exercise facilities to employees
Getting adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthy life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has
been observed
that the interest of keeping a fit body has dropped among employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who do not engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity during their workdays
as well
as rest days. Due to the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, combined with sedentary living style, a majority of employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffering from various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems such as obesity, diabetes, and cardiovascular disease. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
various reasons behind this trend and then offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effective measures to deal with the issue.

One of the major cause, why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
or go to a gym, is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
-throat competition in the corporate sector which has exhausted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
drains them
physically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
strains their mind
as well
.
Moreover
, low wages and lack of promotional opportunities is another reason due to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are doing multiple jobs in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the expenses and afford all the basic amenities of life.
As a result
, in a bid to outdo their colleagues'
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
professionals do not pay attention to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
time to go to a gym or do a workout at their home.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures that can
be taken
to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to embrace a lifestyle, which includes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
intervention is crucial in this regard.
In other words
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could
first
launch a media campaign to motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
regularly
and inform about its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
ramifications.
Moreover
, Private organizations could
be instructed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their employees to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
during working hours for which they could build a gym or a swimming pool on the premises of their office.
However
, this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be made
possible once the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will step in and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it compulsory for the corporate organizations to provide their employees an environment, which promotes adopting a routine of healthy diet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity.

In conclusion
, a lack of required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
has generated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems in the workforce. Employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
due to an increasing financial burden and competition do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
intervention is vital in encouraging working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
as well
as asking organizations to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sufficient
sporting and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
facilities to employees
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
386 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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