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Many wild animals have become endangered.Why has this happened? What can goverments do to stop from continuing to happen.

Many wild animals have become endangered. Why has this happened? What can goverments do to stop from continuing to happen. BJeDV
Numurous species of wild animals are now endangered. For example, the number of black rhinos has declined from over 65, 000 in the 1960s to just 2, 500 today. Sea animals like some types of whale are also at risk. In this essay I will look at some of the causes of the situations. I will then move on to consider what goverments can do to deal with this problem. It is clear that animals are dying out becouse of human activity. People have hunted animals for sport or for their fur, horns or other body parts. For instance, they hunted tigers for their bones, which were used for medicine. Another reason for species to become extict is that humans have destroyed their natural habits. One example of this is gorillas in the rainforest, which are now endangered. Finally, pollution from industry has created problems for many sea creatures. Goverments can help in several ways. First of all they need to make strong laws and give puneshment to those who hunt illegally. Next, they need education programmes in schools and on telivision to help everyone understand the problem. Finally goverments should invest in renewable and clean energy sources such as solar and wind power. So, in conclusion, we can say that hunting and damageto the envirovment are the main threals that animals face. Goverment should use the law, educatiopn and clean energy to improve the stuation. Everyone must work together to save endangerd animals
Possible spelling mistake found.
Numurous
species of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
endangered.
For example
, the number of black rhinos has declined from over 65, 000 in the 1960s to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
2, 500
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. Sea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
types of whale are
also
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
. In this essay I will look at
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
causes of the situations. I will then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
on to consider what
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverments
can do to deal with this problem. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are dying out
Possible spelling mistake found.
becouse
of human activity.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have hunted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for sport or for their fur, horns or other body parts.
For instance
, they hunted tigers for their bones, which were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for medicine. Another reason for species to become
Possible spelling mistake found.
extict
is that humans have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
their natural habits. One example of this is gorillas in the rainforest, which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
endangered.
Finally
, pollution from industry has created problems for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sea creatures.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Goverments
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in several ways.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
strong laws and give
Possible spelling mistake found.
puneshment
to those who hunt
illegally
.
Next
, they need education
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
in schools and on
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telivision
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
everyone understand the problem.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverments
should invest in renewable and clean energy sources such as solar and wind power.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
in conclusion
, we can say that hunting and
Possible spelling mistake found.
damageto
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
envirovment
are the main
Possible spelling mistake found.
threals
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
face.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Goverment
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the law,
Possible spelling mistake found.
educatiopn
and clean energy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
stuation
. Everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
work together to save
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endangerd
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
animals
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IELTS essay Many wild animals have become endangered. Why has this happened? What can goverments do to stop from continuing to happen.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
243 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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