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It is true that nowadays tourism industry is at the peak of all business sectors.

It is true that nowadays tourism industry is at the peak of all business sectors. g5ePD
It is true that nowadays tourism industry is at the peak of all business sectors. Many individuals are showing affection toward the travelling. Thus, it is claimed that abroad tour could be a source of great experiences for youth, whereas other argues that foreign tour consist too much of expenses. I shall discuss both the views in the upcoming paragraphs with my personal opinion in the conclusion. In fact, tour of abroad have many advantages to youth generation. First of all, it might be a source to accumulate knowledge about foreign cultures and traditions to individual. For instance, I recently visited Japan and I came to know about various traditions and lifestyle of Japanese people. Second of all, if a person has a great taste of observing some rare sceneries, so travelling abroad nation could fulfill it. For instance, there are least countries on the globe where one can experience snow. Thus, by travelling cold countries one can experience the enjoyment of snowfall. However, if people wants to travel abroad, they have to spend ample of money. It could not be an easy task for underprivileged individuals. Because the cost of food and qccommodation could be much higher compared to than that of having a domestic tour. For example, in 2010, when my father visited Canada it costed them around more than 3 lacs of Indian Rupee in just four days. Furthermore, nowadays flight tickets are much higher than that of past. Hence, a person has to spend too much of expenses in foreign tour. To conclude, indeed travelling abroad nations could be a considerable source to get various experiences, but I personally think that the expenses of a foreign tour are not suitable for poor people and they should not travel abroad to gain experiences.
It is true that nowadays tourism industry is at the peak of all business sectors.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
individuals are showing affection toward the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
.
Thus
, it
is claimed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tour
could be a source of great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
for youth, whereas other argues that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tour
consist too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
of expenses. I shall discuss both the views in the upcoming paragraphs with my personal opinion in the conclusion.

In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages to youth generation.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it might be a source to accumulate knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
cultures and traditions to individual.
For instance
, I recently visited Japan and I came to know about various traditions and lifestyle of Japanese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Second of all, if a person has a great taste of observing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rare sceneries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
nation could fulfill it.
For instance
, there are
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
countries on the globe where one can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
snow.
Thus
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
countries one can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
the enjoyment of snowfall.

However
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
wants
to travel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend ample of money. It could not be an easy task for underprivileged individuals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the cost of food and
Possible spelling mistake found.
qccommodation
could be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
higher compared to than that of having a domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tour
.
For example
, in 2010, when my father visited Canada it costed them around more than 3
Possible spelling mistake found.
lacs
of Indian Rupee in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
four days.
Furthermore
, nowadays flight tickets are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
higher than that of past.
Hence
, a person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
spend too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
of expenses in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
tour.

To conclude
,
indeed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
nations could be a considerable source to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the expenses of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tour
are not suitable for poor
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they should not travel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
.
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IELTS essay It is true that nowadays tourism industry is at the peak of all business sectors.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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