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Many university students cannot find a job in their chosen profession What factors may have caused this situation and what in your opinion should be done about it v.2

Many university students cannot find a job in their chosen profession What factors may have caused this situation and what in your opinion should be done about it v. 2
When young people are choosing what subject to study at university, most of them hope they will find a great job upon graduation. In reality many fresh graduates fail to find work in their fields and some are even forced to take up below graduate jobs. In my opinion, the root cause of this problem lies in the outdated higher education system that should be modernized. Traditional university education does not prepare students for their job for a number of reasons. One of them is that many programmes are too theoretical. It means that highly educated graduates lacks simple skills required for employment, for example, the knowledge of IT software. Employers, therefore, prefer candidates with hand-on experience. Another reason is that universities offer too many courses in popular fields such as law and business, and do not recruit enough students for engineering and science programmes. This is amply illustrated by the fact that current UK labour market has an oversupply of law graduates and a deficit of engineers. A reform of higher education could alleviate many of the problems but would require joint efforts from universities and the government. If higher institutions would work closer with the employers, they could teach students practical skills that companies are looking for. Meanwhile, government could also develop guidelines on how many students universities should enroll in each course in accordance with the market demand. In conclusion, a likely reason why many graduates cannot find a job in their field because university education might not provide them the right skill set for an in-demand profession. I think that universities and the government could improve the situation by updating the content of the programmes and limiting the number of students in each subject in line with the market demand
When young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are choosing what subject to study at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, most of them hope they will find a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
upon graduation. In reality
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
fail to find work in their fields and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are even forced to take up below
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. In my opinion, the root cause of this problem lies in the outdated higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system that should
be modernized
.

Traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
does not prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for a number of reasons. One of them is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
are too theoretical. It means that
highly
educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
lacks simple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
required for employment,
for example
, the knowledge of IT software. Employers,
therefore
, prefer candidates with hand-on experience. Another reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
offer too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
courses in popular fields such as law and business, and do not recruit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for engineering and science
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
. This is
amply
illustrated by the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
UK
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market has an
oversupply
of law
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
and a deficit of engineers.

A reform of higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
could alleviate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
would require joint efforts from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. If higher institutions
Consider removing 'would'. (Usually, 'would' does not occur in a conditional clause, unless to make a request or give a polite order.)
would work
closer with the employers, they could teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are looking for. Meanwhile,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could
also
develop guidelines on how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should enroll in each course in accordance with the market demand.

In conclusion
, a likely reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
cannot find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in their field
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
might not provide them the right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
set for an in-demand profession. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the situation by updating the content of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and limiting the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in each subject in line with the market
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
demand
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Many university students cannot find a job in their chosen profession What factors may have caused this situation and what in your opinion should be done about it v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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