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Many students work part time after university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this.

Many students work part time after university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this. xPXg9
It is believed that students should take a part-time job also along with the study. The main benefits of working part time are obtaining real job experience and earning money, while the most significant drawbacks are effect on the study as well as causing health problems. Working before graduating University gives students job experience which can help them in getting a job after study completion. Since while they work early, they learn many valuable things which are related to jobs, including working with a team and understanding the work environment. In addition to this students can gain income that they can provide themselves with money that are paid to their tuition, bills and other study expenses instead of asking money from their parents. Despite the obvious benefits of working remotely, they are also drawbacks which should be explained. It is difficult for students to study and work at the same time. This is mainly because after working hard, they may be tired and exhausted to do their homework and they do not have enough time to prepare for the study, as the result this lead to their marks will be rapidly declined. Another disadvantage is causing health problems. As they have a busy schedule and have less time for themselves. That is because sometimes they do not eat meal on time or just consume unhealthy fast food which is harmful for their health. To sum up, working part time is a great option for student, if it does not distract them from study. They should make sure they can catch up their studies and lead healthy lifestyle.
It
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should take a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
also
along with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. The main benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
are obtaining real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
experience and earning money, while the most significant drawbacks are effect on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
as well
as causing health problems.

Working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
The verb 'to graduate' requires the preposition 'from': "graduating from".
graduating
University gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
experience which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
completion. Since while they work early, they learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
valuable things which
are related
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with a team and understanding the work environment.
In addition
to
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can gain income that they can provide themselves with money that
are paid
to their tuition, bills and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
expenses
instead
of asking money from their parents.

Despite the obvious benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
remotely
, they are
also
drawbacks which should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
. It is difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and work at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
, they may
be tired
and exhausted to do their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
homework and
they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to prepare for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, as the result this lead to their marks will be
rapidly
declined. Another disadvantage is causing health problems. As they have a busy schedule and have less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for themselves.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they do not eat meal on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
consume unhealthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food which is harmful for their health.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is a great option for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
, if it does not distract them from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. They should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure they can catch up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and lead healthy lifestyle.
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IELTS essay Many students work part time after university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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