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Many students with visual impairments in regular schools; cannot fully participate in school activities; often left behind

Many students with visual impairments in regular schools; cannot fully participate in school activities; often left behind 9B8p7
Nowadays, with the rapid development of modern technology, each person's living and studying conditions are increasingly improved. However, there‘re still many students with visual impairments in regular schools. In addition to lack of good conditions and economic hardships, these children face a lot of discrimination at school. They may feel that they are treated less fairly than normal students because of their disabilities. It is because of both internal and external factors that prevent them from participating in school activities and are often isolated. How can we solve this problem and help these children? First, people should put themselves in their shoes to empathize and understand what they want. They have different learning difficulties, but that does not mean that they cannot learn. An alternative way to deal with this problem is to provide visually impaired children with visual aids such as specialized documents, Braille or large print books, and speaking computers; material with large print, . . . By giving them these things, we can help them learn better. Second, we should create an atmosphere of friendliness, respect, and acceptance during all activities between students with visual impairment and non-disabled ones. For example, Helen Keller, a great female writer, suffered from blindness and hearing loss since childhood, but thanks to the support of relatives and the help of friends around her, Hellen Keller strives to strive for excellence in her study. Her extraordinary life force made the whole world admire her. When working together with students with visual impairments, people will fully understand them and may recognize the talents hidden inside them. This is the thing that all people in our society should do. It is necessary for all people to treat them fairly and give visual impairments more opportunities in regular school as they are part of our society and should be integrated with our communities. A better understanding of students with visual impairments and more contact between non-disabled people and disabled people will help students with visual impairment overcome their difficulties, change attitudes and reduce discrimination in life.
Nowadays, with the rapid development of modern technology, each person's living and studying conditions are
increasingly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.
However
, there‘re
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impairments
in regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
In addition
to lack of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
conditions and economic hardships, these children face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
discrimination at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. They may feel that they
are treated
less
fairly
than normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their disabilities. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of both internal and external factors that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
activities and are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
isolated.

How can we solve this problem and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
these children?
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should put themselves in their shoes to empathize and understand what they want. They have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
learning difficulties,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that does not mean that they cannot learn. An alternative way to deal with this problem is to provide
visually
impaired children with visual aids such as specialized documents, Braille or large print books, and speaking computers; material with large print
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
By giving them these things, we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them learn better.

Second, we should create an atmosphere of friendliness, respect, and acceptance during all activities between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impairment
and non-disabled ones.
For example
, Helen Keller, a great female writer, suffered from blindness and hearing loss since childhood,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
thanks to the support of relatives and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of friends around her,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hellen
Keller strives to strive for excellence in her study. Her extraordinary life force made the whole world admire her. When working together with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impairments
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
fully
understand them and may recognize the talents hidden inside them. This is the thing that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in our society should do.

It is necessary for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to treat them
fairly
and give visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impairments
more opportunities in regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
as they are part of our society and should
be integrated
with our communities. A better understanding of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impairments
and more contact between non-disabled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and disabled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impairment
overcome their difficulties,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
attitudes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
discrimination in life.
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IELTS essay Many students with visual impairments in regular schools; cannot fully participate in school activities; often left behind

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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