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Many scientists believe that now we can study the behavior of a three-year-old child（young） to see whether they will row up to be criminals. To what extent do you think crime is determined by human nature? Is it possible to stop children from growing up to be criminal?

Many scientists believe that now we can study the behavior of a three-year-old child（young） to see whether they will row up to be criminals. Is it possible to stop children from growing up to be criminal? GVLB
Some experts claim that crime is originated from human nature so one can tell whether a child would grow up to be a criminal by observing their behaviors in a very early age. However, I believe that criminals are shaped by the way they are raised and they society they live in and therefore children can be nurtured to be law-abiding citizens. Although some undesirable elements in humanity are revealed in the young age, we cannot simply attribute those to criminal actions. In turn, most of bad nature can be nurtured. Firstly, many people believe that if babies show bad temper, they are likely to conduct violence and bullying when they grow up. However, personality can be altered. Babies with aggressive personality could grow up to be patient adults if education is provided. Moreover, human are born with many unwanted desires such as greed, prejudice and laziness, but not everyone turn out to commit a crime. The reason is that some people gain learn the severe consequences of the crime as they can depress their unwanted desires. Thus, it is undeniable that education can prevent children from delinquency. Certain measures could be taken by parents and schools to prevent infants from evil behaviors. For parents, it is of significance to create a harmonious family environment for the youngsters. If they can be caring and considerate, their children are prone to be cultivated with pleasant dispositions. Also, parents should spend more time with children keeping tracts on their mental development and correcting their misbehavior in time. Schools play another important role in crime prevention. Moral classes should be established to teach students how to distinguish the right from the wrong. Basic knowledge about laws should also be imparted to the children, as an effective deterrence. In conclusion, the dark side in the children’s nature could be turned into the bright side if parents and schools can take actions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
experts claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is originated
from human nature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
whether a child would grow up to be a criminal by observing their behaviors in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early age.
However
, I believe that criminals
are shaped
by the way they are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
raised and
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they society
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in and
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
be nurtured
to be law-abiding citizens.

Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
undesirable elements in humanity
are revealed
in the young age, we cannot
simply
attribute those to criminal actions. In turn, most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
nature can
be nurtured
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that if babies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
temper, they are likely to conduct violence and bullying when they grow up.
However
, personality can
be altered
. Babies with aggressive personality could grow up to be patient adults if education
is provided
.
Moreover
, human
are born
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
unwanted desires such as greed, prejudice and laziness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "turns", "turned".
turn
out to commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. The reason is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
gain learn the severe consequences of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
as they can depress their unwanted desires.
Thus
, it is undeniable that education can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from delinquency.

Certain measures could
be taken
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and schools to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
infants from evil behaviors. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, it is of significance to create a harmonious family environment for the youngsters. If they can be caring and considerate, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are prone to
be cultivated
with pleasant dispositions.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should spend more time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
keeping tracts on their mental development and correcting their misbehavior in time. Schools play another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
prevention. Moral classes should
be established
to teach students how to distinguish the right from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. Basic knowledge about laws should
also
be imparted
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, as an effective deterrence.

In conclusion
, the dark side in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
nature could
be turned
into the bright side if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and schools can take actions.
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IELTS essay Many scientists believe that now we can study the behavior of a three-year-old child（young） to see whether they will row up to be criminals. Is it possible to stop children from growing up to be criminal?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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