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Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. 6GmG
Nowadays where preference of every individual is vital, especially for adolescent. It is commonly believed that children who make their own choices on their day to day life (such as what they want to eat, wear, watch etc. ) is similar to those who only think about their own choices. While, many argue that children should make decision about the matters which will affect them. In my opinion, children should start making choice on their early age about their daily matters. On the one hand, allowing youth to make their own choice will make them independent and decision make, especially in their young age where parents should allow them to choose what they want to do in their leisure time or what they want to eat or wear, but parents need to look after their choices to make sure that they will not follow wrong direction. For instance, sometimes guardians allowing mobile phones to the children in their young age, if they will not look after that how child is using this facility will probably detrimental for children. Moreover, by making this kind of small choices their decision making skills will improve. So, Parents should always support their children's resolution and guide them if they are doing anything wrong. On the other hand, some people believe that youth should only make decision about important things which will affect them. However, sometimes youngsters are not better in decision making just because their guardian never allowed them to make any solution, and probably at that point of time they will make wrong decision when they do not have anyone who can guide them. Although, there are many crucial decision where only children should opine on, to illustrate, what they want to do in their career, which course they want to choose, which collage they wanted to enrolled in etc. They can also seek advice from their mentors or parents, who are more experienced. To conclude, however making choices on important matters is very crucial, but to develop their some important decision making skill, parents should allow their children to make choice in their daily life.
Nowadays where preference of every individual is vital,
especially
for adolescent. It is
commonly
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
on their
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life (such as what they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to eat, wear,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
etc.
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
is similar to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
about the matters which will affect them. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
on their early age about their daily matters.

On the one hand, allowing youth to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them independent and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
,
especially
in their young age where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to choose what they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to do in their leisure time or what they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to eat or wear,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to look after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
sure that they will not follow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
direction.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
guardians allowing mobile phones to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their young age, if they will not look after that how child is using this facility will
probably
detrimental for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Moreover
, by making this kind of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should always support their children's resolution and guide them if they are doing anything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that youth should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things which will affect them.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
youngsters are not better in
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their guardian never
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
any solution, and
probably
at that point of time they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
when they do not have anyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can guide them. Although, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should opine on, to illustrate, what they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to do in their career, which course they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to choose, which collage they wanted to enrolled in etc. They can
also
seek advice from their mentors or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are more experienced.

To conclude
,
however
making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
matters is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to develop their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
in their daily life.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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