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Many high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women.

Many high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. nr1o
Nowaday, many workplaces in developed countries are filled with third-quarter women, whereas most high-level positions are still owned by men. Hence, others said that managerial positions should provide for women. I believe that companies should provide these positions by knowledge and ability to work. Also, dividing some percent of chief executives to women does not gain equality. First, companies must choose people to work in high-ranking positions by their potential, not by their gender. If companies hire employees by their gender, it can affect their work quality, profit, and company credit. Because some employees may not have knowledge and capability to be executives. Moreover, we need to accept the truth that not everybody can work well under pressure. The fact that more men working as high-level positions infer that they have skill and ability to do work. Second, in the present, women are requiring feminism for equality, but is it reasonable enough to allocate high-ranking positions for women? Providing these positions for women cannot create equality in the workplace and society. Because dividing these positions for women can make some people think that they were just born as women so they can easily work in senior level positions. It could be concluded that managerial positions should not be assigned for any gender but need to be based on their skill and potential. Furthermore, providing these positions does not mean that equality will appear in the workforce. If companies hire people with aptitude, proficiency, and do not divide gender, companies would be more effective.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nowaday
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
workplaces in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
are filled
with third-quarter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, whereas most high-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
are
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.
Hence
, others said that managerial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
should provide for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should provide these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
by knowledge and ability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Also
, dividing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
percent of chief executives to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
does not gain equality.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
choose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in high-ranking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
by their potential, not by their gender. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
hire employees by their gender, it can affect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
quality, profit, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
credit.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
employees may not have knowledge and capability to be executives.
Moreover
, we need to accept the truth that not everybody can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
well under pressure. The fact that more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
working as high-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
infer that they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and ability to do work.

Second, in the present,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are requiring feminism for equality,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is it reasonable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to allocate high-ranking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
? Providing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
cannot create equality in the workplace and society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
dividing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
born as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
easily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in senior level positions.

It could
be concluded
that managerial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
should not
be assigned
for any gender
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
need to
be based
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and potential.
Furthermore
, providing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
does not mean that equality will appear in the workforce. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
hire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with aptitude, proficiency, and do not divide gender,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
would be more effective.
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IELTS essay Many high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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