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Many schools are now replacing sports and exercise classes with academic subjects. What is your opinion on this? How this will affect children’s lives?

Many schools are now replacing sports and exercise classes with academic subjects. What is your opinion on this? How this will affect children’s lives? Bl7Qm
Many schools are now replacing sports and exercise classes with academic subjects. What is your opinion on this? How this will affect children’s lives? [  ] - Playing diverse type of Sports has intensifying since last decade. While the question arises, despite being attend academic class whether children should attend sports classes or not? I completely agree with the notion children should attend sports and exercise classes insted of attending academic classes. This essay will not only discuss causes, but also give relevant instances in ensuing paragraph. Commencing with, The primarily reason is that improve their health and stay fit. Since children playing different type of sports, it can be effect on their immunity system and they get more healthy. Doing different exercise is crucial for children's body and they feel calm. Apart from, If Children will play diverse type of sports, they will not only won prizes but also represent their country that is why sports play vital role in children's life. If children playing sports, they have plethora of choices, either they make their career in sports or do job in teaching field. For instance, In India numerous children has played sports and they achieved prizes from government. [  ] As far as another reason is concerned, children more enthusiastic in sports  and exercise classes. Children will not interested in study unless they attend sports and exercise classes. Children do not feel study is burden, whilst they feel joyful when they attend sports and exercise classes. Academic classes is necessary for children However sports and exercise classes will more affected those students who are willing to make their career in sports. [  ] To conclude, I have written down saying that, Although academic class is essential, Sports and exercise classes tremendous affecte on children's living.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
schools are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
replacing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
subjects. What is your opinion on this? How this will affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
?

[
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
]
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
Playing diverse type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
has intensifying since last decade. While the question arises, despite being
Consider using a past participle here: "attended".
attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
or not? I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
Possible spelling mistake found.
insted
of attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
. This essay will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
discuss causes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
give relevant instances in ensuing paragraph.

Commencing with, The
primarily
reason is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their health and stay fit. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
playing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, it can be effect on their immunity
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
system and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more healthy. Doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is crucial for children's
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
body and
they feel calm. Apart from, If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
will play diverse type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, they will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
The verb 'will' requires base form of the verb: "win"
won
prizes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
represent their country
that is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
play vital role in children's life. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, they have plethora of choices, either they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their career in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or do job in teaching field.
For instance
, In India numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has played
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sports and
they achieved prizes from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

[
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
] As far as another reason
is concerned
,

children more enthusiastic in sports
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
will not
The verb 'will' requires base form of the verb: "interest"
interested
in study unless they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
do not feel study is burden, whilst they feel joyful when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
However
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
will more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
those students who are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their career in sports.

[
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
]
To conclude
, I have written down saying that, Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
is essential,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
tremendous
Possible spelling mistake found.
affecte
on children's living.
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IELTS essay Many schools are now replacing sports and exercise classes with academic subjects. What is your opinion on this? How this will affect children’s lives?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
297 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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