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Many researchers believe that we can now study the behaviour of children to see if they will grow up to be criminals, while others disagree. To what extent do you think crime is determined by genetics? Is it possible to stop children from growing up to be criminals?

Many researchers believe that we can now study the behaviour of children to see if they will grow up to be criminals, while others disagree. Is it possible to stop children from growing up to be criminals? 1pY7
Many researchers believe that they can define the children to see if they became the criminal based on genetic evidence. I strongly disagree with this notion. From my perspective genes have an effect on the behavior of children, but the primary determination is intelligence of quotient and emotion which are shaped by person itself. This can be prevented with the help of an educated society. Firstly, this ideology itself put a barrier for children's mind that the the selection process of their parents which is not depended on free will can destroy their life and it is impossible to run away from genetic traits. Secondly, if this argument is right, then the adoption of child is pointless, because regardless of the child's upbringing, there is a high probability that child will be a criminal if child biological parents do the same. On the contrary, the real life example can be observed from Steve Jobs who is a known as revolutionary person in tech industry and adopted by his parents as an infant. However, these issues can be defeated by taking some potential measures. First and foremost, educational instututies should oragize the seminar which provide regarding awareness of the crime and it is result. In addition moral philosophy that involves systematizing, defending, and recommending concepts of right and wrong behavior should added as lesson from primary school to graduate undergraduate. Additionally, if a child is told by their parents and teachers as a they are worhwhile and their mission is to save the world as result they only think about the solution not action of criminal. To put in a nutshell, that both nature and nurture play a part in determining the character of a person. But nurture weighs over nature, and it is definitely possible to prevent children from growing up to be criminals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
researchers believe that they can define the children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
if they became the criminal based on genetic evidence. I
strongly
disagree with this notion. From my perspective genes have an effect on the behavior of children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the primary determination is intelligence of quotient and emotion which
are shaped
by person itself. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of an educated society.

Firstly
, this ideology itself put a barrier for children's mind that
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
selection process of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
which is not depended on free
Two modal verbs connected. Did you mean: "will, can", "will" or "can"?
will can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
their life and it is impossible to run away from genetic traits.
Secondly
, if this argument is right, then the adoption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is pointless,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
regardless of the child's upbringing, there is a high probability that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
will be a criminal if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
biological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do the same.
On the contrary
, the real life example can
be observed
from Steve Jobs who
Did you mean "am", "are", "aren"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'Jobs' should be used.
is
a known as revolutionary person in tech industry and adopted by his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as an infant.
However
, these issues can
be defeated
by taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential measures.
First
and foremost, educational
Possible spelling mistake found.
instututies
should
Possible spelling mistake found.
oragize
the seminar which provide regarding awareness of the crime and it is result. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
moral philosophy that involves systematizing, defending, and recommending concepts of right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
behavior should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "add"
added
as lesson from primary school to graduate undergraduate.
Additionally
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers as
Possible typo. Did you mean "a" or "they"?
a they
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
worhwhile
and their mission is to save the world as result they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the solution not action of criminal.

To put in a nutshell, that both nature and nurture play a part in determining the character of a person.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
nurture weighs over nature, and it is definitely possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
children from growing up to be criminals.
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IELTS essay Many researchers believe that we can now study the behaviour of children to see if they will grow up to be criminals, while others disagree. Is it possible to stop children from growing up to be criminals?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
304 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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