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Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social, and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social, and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? wg2E
The children are the future of one’s nation. However, in the present times they are facing abuse in scholastic, community-related and financial aspects. This essay intends to discuss various factors responsible, and propose some measures to alleviate the problem. Firstly, taking into consideration the implications of the education sector on a child’s mental aura. This has become more challenging, as the paradigm has shifted towards academia-focussed education system, rather than overall development which entails curricular as well as co-curricular activities. On the other hand, the grading system is a let down for many students, which is aggravated by parents to some extent. For example, a student proficient in public speaking, sports, acting, or dancing does not have aptitude for science or maths, is pressured to get good grades in later, hence depriving him, and the nation at large of his or her talent. Secondly, the social areas, which include the over-use of social media, and socially oriented games, have rendered the young generation incapable of developing an emotional relationship with the people nearby. Consequently, their psychological nature shifts into being more withdrawn. Finally, taking the commercial aspect into consideration, the advent of the modern gaming industry, with gaming consoles and computers are being launched every year with better configuration. This has resulted in increased demand which puts a monetary burden on their parents, meanwhile declined their intellectual capability. Some possible solutions exist, which includes a proper schooling system, where equal preference to academic and co-academic activities is given, and allocation of subjects and activities as per the pupil’s capabilities, whereas ensuring importance to vocational training and parent education in the meantime. The use of social media should be limited to certain extent, whereas conducting symposiums and discussion sessions should be encouraged. Lastly, entertainment gadgets should be used in leisure time rather than most of the time. To conclude, the triad of educational, financial, and social influence can be pathological in the developmental milestone of the younger generation. Hence, it is of prime importance to ensure concrete steps in order to maintain a positive balance.
The children are the future of one’s nation.
However
, in the present times they are facing abuse in scholastic, community-related and financial aspects. This essay intends to discuss various factors responsible, and propose
some
measures to alleviate the problem.

Firstly
, taking into consideration the implications of the education sector on a child’s mental aura. This has become more challenging, as the paradigm has shifted towards academia-focussed education system,
rather
than
overall
development which entails curricular
as well
as co-curricular activities.
On the other hand
, the grading system is a
let
down for
many
students, which
is aggravated
by parents to
some
extent.
For example
, a student proficient in public speaking, sports, acting, or dancing does not have aptitude for science or
maths
,
is pressured
to
get
good
grades in later,
hence
depriving him, and the nation at large of
his or her
talent.
Secondly
, the
social
areas, which include the over-
use
of
social
media, and
socially
oriented games, have rendered the young generation incapable of developing an emotional relationship with the
people
nearby.
Consequently
, their psychological nature shifts into being more withdrawn.
Finally
, taking the commercial aspect into consideration, the advent of the modern gaming industry, with gaming consoles and computers are
being launched
every year with better configuration. This has resulted in increased demand which puts a monetary burden on their parents, meanwhile declined their intellectual capability.

Some
possible solutions exist, which includes a proper schooling system, where equal preference to academic and co-academic activities is
given
, and allocation of subjects and activities as per the pupil’s capabilities, whereas ensuring importance to vocational training and parent education in the meantime. The
use
of
social
media should
be limited
to certain extent, whereas conducting symposiums and discussion sessions should
be encouraged
.
Lastly
, entertainment gadgets should be
used
in leisure time
rather
than most of the time.

To conclude
, the triad of educational, financial, and
social
influence can be pathological in the developmental milestone of the younger generation.
Hence
, it is of prime importance to ensure concrete steps in order to maintain a
positive
balance.
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IELTS essay Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social, and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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