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many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities

many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities x27pg
Working is important for everyone's livelihood. people needs to work to staple their family. However I personally work life balance is more important to anything. I will be sharing my thought with advantages or disadvantages of long working hours in below passages. On the one hand, people has to work to earn money to livelihood. "No money no honey", I mean to fulfill your needs everyone required money. Not only your essential requirement but also other liability. For instance, your loans, electricity bills, travel expense, mobile recharge so on required to pay. Beside that to staple your family, school fees for your children, money for any medical emergency all can be arrange if you work. In this competitive career world, it is necessary to be show your presence and important. Working hard and long Hours keeps individual highlighted in the working place, which helps to them in their yearly performance review and can be rewarded with professional and financial growth. On other hand, to work hard to run long time in competition, you have to fit physically and mentally. Working long hours will make your tired and may cause of many health issues. Which can become barrier in your career growth. It will not only effect your health but also can create mess in your married life sometimes, It is very important to balance between office and personal life. Everyone should bare time for social activity which can make person fit and active. and I believe it's responsibility of an individual as well as of management's or employer's. To recapitulate, I strongly believe in work life balance. an individual who manage his work and life equally and gives parallel importance to both get reach to highest level of satisfaction.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for everyone's livelihood.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
needs
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to staple their family.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
I
personally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
balance is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to anything. I will be sharing my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
with advantages or disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours in below passages. On the one hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to livelihood.
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
No
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
no honey
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
, I mean to fulfill your needs everyone required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
your essential requirement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
other liability.
For instance
, your loans, electricity bills, travel expense, mobile recharge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on required to pay. Beside that to staple your family, school fees for your children,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for any medical emergency all can be
Consider using the past participle "arranged"?
arrange
if you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. In this competitive career world, it is necessary to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
your presence and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
Hours
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
individual highlighted in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
place, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to them in their yearly performance review and can
be rewarded
with professional and financial growth. On other hand, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to run
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
time in competition, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
fit
physically
and mentally.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
hours will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
your tired and may cause of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health issues.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
can become barrier in your career growth. It will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
your health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can create mess in your married
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to balance between office and personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Everyone should
This form is ambiguous and can be used as past tense. Confirm that you are using the intended base form of the main verb after 'to do' as an auxiliary verb..
bare
time for social activity which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
person fit and active.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
I believe it's responsibility of an individual
as well
as of management's or employer's. To recapitulate, I
strongly
believe in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
balance.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
an
individual who manage his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
equally
and gives parallel importance to both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
reach to
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
level of satisfaction.

IELTS essay many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
289 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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