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MANY PEOPLE WORK LONG HOURS, LEAVING VERY LITTLE TIME FOR LEISURE ACTIVITIES. DOES THIS SITUATION HAVE MORE ADVANTAGES OR MORE DISADVANTAGES?

MANY PEOPLE WORK LONG HOURS, LEAVING VERY LITTLE TIME FOR LEISURE ACTIVITIES. DOES THIS SITUATION HAVE MORE ADVANTAGES OR MORE DISADVANTAGES? r8G5N
Nowadays there is an increasing number of people who dedicate a huge amount of their lives working for extended periods, leading to almost no time left for enjoyment. I strongly believe such behavior brings more disadvantages than benefits, due to health and family issues that could emerge from this. One of the main reasons I advocate people should not work for long hours is the increased likelihood of becoming stressed to a point their intellectual performance could be affected. The lack of free time leads to a routine that has no room for leisure activities, which are essential for a healthy mind. For example, workers of the stock market are usually always connected and following the news, even on weekends, so that they can rapidly act to adjust their stock portfolio. As a result, they cannot relax and will probably face severe health consequences in the near future. Moreover, those who are employed in careers that demand longer than usual shifts will usually affect their offsprings as well. This is because most children spend the majority of their day at school, and only have weekends to share moments with their relatives. If parents spend an excessive number of hours in the office, these youngsters will grow up without many family memories. However, it is important to acknowledge those who work harder than usual are also more likely to save money and to provide better opportunities to their children, such as being able to afford expensive universities’ tuitions to them. In conclusion, even though working extra hours could lead to better financial income, and its benefits, for the family, I firmly support that workers should avoid such behavior due to its drawbacks, such as potential health issues and emotional damage that could be caused to their loved ones.
Nowadays there is an increasing number of
people
who dedicate a huge amount of their
lives
working for extended periods, leading to almost no time
left
for enjoyment. I
strongly
believe such behavior brings more disadvantages than benefits, due to health and family issues that could emerge from this.

One of the main reasons I advocate
people
should not work for long hours is the increased likelihood of becoming
stressed
to a point their intellectual performance could be
affected
. The lack of free time leads to a routine that has no room for leisure activities, which are essential for a healthy mind.
For example
, workers of the stock market are
usually
always connected and following the news, even on weekends,
so
that they can
rapidly
act to adjust their stock portfolio.
As a result
, they cannot relax and will
probably
face severe health consequences in the near future.

Moreover
, those who
are employed
in careers that demand longer than usual shifts will
usually
affect their
offsprings
as well
. This is
because
most children spend the majority of their day at school, and
only
have weekends to share moments with their relatives. If parents spend an excessive number of hours in the office, these youngsters will grow up without
many
family memories.
However
, it is
important
to acknowledge those who work harder than usual are
also
more likely to save money and to provide better opportunities to their children, such as being able to afford expensive universities’
tuitions
to them.

In conclusion
,
even though
working extra hours could lead to better financial income, and its benefits, for the family, I
firmly
support that workers should avoid such behavior due to its drawbacks, such as potential health issues and emotional damage that could
be caused
to their
loved
ones.
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IELTS essay MANY PEOPLE WORK LONG HOURS, LEAVING VERY LITTLE TIME FOR LEISURE ACTIVITIES. DOES THIS SITUATION HAVE MORE ADVANTAGES OR MORE DISADVANTAGES?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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