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Many people work for long hours, leaving very little time for their leisure activities. What do you think are the advantage as well as disadvantages

Many people work for long hours, leaving very little time for their leisure activities. What do you think are the advantage as well as disadvantages yREqD
Nowadays a great number of individuals work for long hours whereas leaving very small amount of time for their leisure activity. Although there are some advantages, the disadvantages cannot be neglected On the one hand, there are some advantages why people work for long hours. First of all, by working overtime and extra time employee and employer and better salary. In many nations salaries given according to their work has such as Canada, America etc. Workers better salary increases the economical growth of person better standard of living and also search the economical growth of government. moreover, a person can easily climb a ladder of success with the help of doing overtime work. The management organisation would be improve working Efficiency for citizens. There would be more chances of proportion. On the other hand, there are some disadvantages for people leaving Little time for their leisure activities. The individuals have less time to spend with the family or entertain himself with the other activities. The person is always engrossed office work This effect the family life and also the person steadily moves to Depression side. Additionally, over load of work may exhaust and made drain there energy of the person. By doing same activities for long hours it can become monotonous and working efficiency of worker decreases to conclude, although leaving less time for their leisure activities can lead stressful and also affected family life, however, working for long hours it is fruitful Fruitful to surge economical Growth of person better standard of living and it increases more chance towards the success
Nowadays a great number of individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
whereas leaving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages, the disadvantages cannot
be neglected
On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
overtime and extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
employee and employer and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
salary. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations salaries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
according to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
has such as Canada, America etc. Workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
salary increases the
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
standard of living and
also
search the
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
growth of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
moreover
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can
easily
climb a ladder of success with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of doing overtime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. The management
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
would be
Consider using the past participle "improved"?
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
Efficiency for citizens. There would be more chances of proportion.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
leaving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. The individuals have less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with the family or entertain himself with the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is always engrossed office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This effect the family life and
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
steadily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
to Depression side.
Additionally
, over load of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
may exhaust and made drain there energy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
. By doing same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
it can become monotonous and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
efficiency of worker decreases

to conclude
, although leaving less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can lead stressful and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
family life,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
it is
Possible typo: you repeated a word
fruitful Fruitful
to surge
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
Growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
standard of living and it increases more chance towards the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
success
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IELTS essay Many people work for long hours, leaving very little time for their leisure activities. What do you think are the advantage as well as disadvantages

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
261 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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