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Many people try to look younger than their age. What are the reasons people do this. Do you think this is a good thing or a bad thing? v. 16

Many people try to look younger than their age. What are the reasons people do this. Do you think this is a good thing or a bad thing? v. 16 2b6qJ
It is true that, Today, number of people are trying to delay their aging. There are lots of reasons, why are this happening, and in my own perspective, I think it is creating a negative impact on people. One of the primary reasons for people to attempt to become younger is due to marketing. Its creates a beauty standard that people must follow them. For instance, large companies attracting customer by adverstiments and raised their products value. Nowadays, everyone wants to look beautiful and skinny. Secondly, In industries, directors are wanted gorgeous face because face value is more crucial instead of other things. As a result, young people would like be delaying their ages in front of the other people. On the other hand, every coins has both sides. This trend producing negative effect on their health. When using a plethora of beauty products then they cause allergic reactions on their skins. As a consequences, people are more struggling in this type of issues. For example, huge countries people using a plastic surgery during side effects of the products. This way, spoiling a whole life of the people. Sometime this kind of surgery is working and sometime is not successful. Another things, it is wastes of money. Unnecessary uses of things is just unusual wastes of cash and time. In conclusion, they have both sides good and bad for using beauty products. Highly company wants beauty faces and increasing a marketing value. These products are causing adverse effects on the health and wastes of money.
It is true that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are trying to delay their aging. There are lots of reasons, why are this happening, and in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is creating a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

One of the primary reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to attempt to become younger is due to marketing. Its creates a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
standard that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
follow them.
For instance
, large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
attracting customer by
Possible spelling mistake found.
adverstiments
and raised their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
value. Nowadays, everyone wants to look
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
and skinny.
Secondly
, In industries, directors
are wanted
gorgeous face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
face value is more crucial
instead
of other things.
As a result
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would like be delaying their ages in front of the other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hand
, every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "coin"?
coins
has both sides. This trend producing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on their health.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
using a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
then they cause allergic reactions on their skins. As
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a consequence" or simply "consequences"?
a consequences
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more struggling in this type of issues.
For example
, huge countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
using a plastic surgery during side effects of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. This way, spoiling a whole life of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Sometime this kind of surgery is working and sometime is not successful. Another things, it is wastes of money. Unnecessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
of things is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
unusual wastes of cash and time.

In conclusion
, they have both sides
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Highly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
wants
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
faces and increasing a marketing value. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are causing adverse effects on the health and wastes of money.
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IELTS essay Many people try to look younger than their age. What are the reasons people do this. Do you think this is a good thing or a bad thing? v. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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