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many people think that we have to focus on the extinction of certain animal species, while other think that we should pay attention to the problem of human beings. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Animals and all type of species depend on each other. Every organism perform a major role. Even small insects also play a big role. A number of people argue that we shall focus on the extinction of certain animal species whelm other consider that we will pay attention to the problem of human being. This essay will highlight the importance of nature things like animals, plants, insects etcetera. Because we all depend on each other.
Animals and all type of species depend on each other. Every organism
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "performs".
perform
a major role. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
insects
also
play a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
role. A number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that we shall focus on the extinction of certain animal species whelm other consider that we will pay attention to the problem of human being. This essay will highlight the importance of nature things like animals, plants, insects etcetera.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
we all depend on each other.

IELTS essay many people think that we have to focus on the extinction of certain animal species, while other think that we should pay attention to the problem of human beings.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
75 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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