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Many people think that nowadays people are being subjected to more and more pressure in their work, and thus are having less and less time to relax. What is your opinion?

Many people think that nowadays people are being subjected to more and more pressure in their work, and thus are having less and less time to relax. What is your opinion? ga6a
In current scenario, in any organization individual use to perform their duties more in stressful environment as a results, they often running in lack of personal time to enjoy their life. In my opinion, giving time to oneself is utmost immensely important with the pace of current lifestyle. Stress in professional world is common factor these days. Firstly, increase in competition leads to such kind of living. This is because to sustain and to prove him vigorous efforts need to be taken to reach the goal. Thus, to climb the ladder of success people generally neglect own precious time that are reserved for their family to enjoy. Likewise, organization work on deadlines. Any corporate provide task to their employees framing time clause, they make sure that they have to complete the job within stipulated duration then only they count in the top grades of promotion list. As a consequence, workforce bound to work more than their working hours and its results in anxiety in personal sphere. However, personal life needs to categorize by them. In addition to that, calm mind results in better output. If a person works on concept of equilibrium between his two ways of life, it helps in long run to have a sound mental and physical health. Therefore, he able to get time to take proper rest and it will increase in productivity. Similarly, entrepreneurs have to organize activities to feel them offbeat. There are various companies which work on parameters that include varieties of employment engagement activities to make employee stress-free especially during weekends. Hence, after a stressed full week they will boosts to have fun and frolic with their families by leaving all worries there. In conclusion, to maintain a proper balance both employer and employee have to take part. Due to increase in rivalry, targets person revolve around and to curtail the perception of these tension they have to do planning and actively participate in session oriented by the departments so as to dwell in any situation without affecting their private arena.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
scenario, in any organization individual
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
perform their duties more in stressful environment as
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a result" or simply "results"?
a results
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
running in lack of personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to enjoy their life. In my opinion, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to oneself is utmost
immensely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
with the pace of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
lifestyle.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Stress
in professional world is common factor these days.
Firstly
, increase in competition leads to such kind of living. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
to sustain and to prove him vigorous efforts need to
be taken
to reach the goal.
Thus
, to climb the ladder of success
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
generally
neglect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that
are reserved
for their family to enjoy.
Likewise
, organization
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on deadlines. Any corporate provide task to their employees framing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
clause, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
complete the job within stipulated duration then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they count in the top grades of promotion list. As a consequence, workforce bound to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more than their working hours and its results in anxiety in personal sphere.

However
, personal life needs to categorize by them.
In addition
to that, calm mind results in better output. If a person works on concept of equilibrium between his two ways of life, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in long run to have a sound mental and physical health.
Therefore
,
Did you mean "he is" or "he was"?
he
able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to take proper rest and it will increase in productivity.
Similarly
, entrepreneurs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
organize activities to feel them offbeat. There are various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on parameters that include varieties of employment engagement activities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
employee
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-free
especially
during weekends.
Hence
, after a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
full week they will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "boost"
boosts
to have fun and frolic with their families by leaving all worries there.

In conclusion
, to maintain a proper balance both employer and employee
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
. Due to increase in rivalry, targets person revolve around and to curtail the perception of these tension they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go planning".
do planning
and
actively
participate in session oriented by the departments
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
dwell in any situation without affecting their private arena.
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IELTS essay Many people think that nowadays people are being subjected to more and more pressure in their work, and thus are having less and less time to relax. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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