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Many people think that nowadays people are being subjected to more and more pressure in their work, and thus are having less and less time to relax. What is your opinion?

Many people think that nowadays people are being subjected to more and more pressure in their work, and thus are having less and less time to relax. What is your opinion? EWXx
From the past few decades, people are working hard to rise up their standard of living. I totally agree that in modern society individuals are more focused on professional life; consequently they are diverted from the privileges of leisure time. On the one hand, modernization is making persons to work hard for several reasons. One of all, from the peer of corporate world, business firms are in the race to compete themselves with other ones in the time of globalization which requires hard-working employees due the fact they pressurize workers to work for more hours. Second of all, describing personal view of a human being, it is obligated for them to earn more money to have opulent lifestyles and to fulfill their family’s needs. To exemplify, to get enrolled one's children in CBSE school it requires bomb money. As a result, people tend to work more yet lose their spare time which makes life monotonous and stressful. On the other hand, having free time certainly provides many benefits which are ignored by today’s generation. Firstly, by getting break from busy life individual can spend quality time with his family. To illustrate, with an interval a family can plan for vacations or even can spare time by playing with their children. Moreover, personage could have some relaxation by reading books or sometimes by giving ME TIME to one-self which surely help to have better efficacy in work. Even extra time could make human to more focus on their health and diet. To sum up, I stick to my opinion that mankind is more concentrated on their carrier thus having less time to relax. I advise to business corporations and individuals to balance between man’s personal and professional life to acquire a better employee and a better family man.
From the past few decades,
people
are working
hard
to rise up their standard of living. I
totally
agree
that in modern society individuals are more focused on professional
life
;
consequently
they
are diverted
from the privileges of leisure time.

On the one hand, modernization is making persons to
work
hard
for several reasons. One of all, from the peer of corporate world, business firms are in the race to compete themselves with other ones in the
time
of globalization which requires
hard
-working employees due the fact they pressurize workers to
work
for more hours. Second of all, describing personal view of a human being, it
is obligated
for them to earn more money to have opulent lifestyles and to fulfill their
family’s
needs. To exemplify, to
get
enrolled one's children in CBSE school it requires bomb money.
As a result
,
people
tend to
work
more
yet
lose their spare
time
which
makes
life
monotonous and stressful.

On the other hand
, having free
time
certainly
provides
many
benefits which are
ignored
by
today
’s generation.
Firstly
, by getting break from busy
life
individual can spend quality
time
with his
family
. To illustrate, with an interval a
family
can plan for vacations or even can spare
time
by playing with their children.
Moreover
, personage could have
some
relaxation by reading books or
sometimes
by giving ME
TIME
to one-self which
surely
help
to have better efficacy in
work
. Even extra
time
could
make
human to more focus on their health and diet.

To sum up, I stick to my opinion that mankind is more concentrated on their carrier
thus
having less
time
to relax. I advise to business corporations and individuals to balance between
man
’s personal and professional
life
to acquire a better employee and a better
family
man
.
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IELTS essay Many people think that nowadays people are being subjected to more and more pressure in their work, and thus are having less and less time to relax. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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