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Many people think that men should play larger roles in childcare. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people think that men should play larger roles in childcare. g8nyA
Becoming a parent is a noble title that many people aspire to. Not everyone has that privilege. According to statistics of the World Health Organization (WHO), Vietnam is one of the countries with the highest infertility rate in the world. What is even more alarming is that 50% of cases are under the age of 30. However, when the children are born, more problems arise, most prominent among which is the issue of upbringing. young children. Many people think that man should play larger roles in childcare. Although I am a lady – a future mother, my perspective disagrees with this thinking for serveral compelling reasons. First of all, parents should play an commensurate role in nourishing our infants. This is to avoid the unfair mentality. In fact, there are variety of divorce cases beause of the unbalance in family: The husband (or wife) has to cover most of the family’s daily needs that lead to reinforce him(her) power – mostly relevant to family’s economic. Therefore, he (she) feels unfair or suppose that they are able to treat the family the way they want which could be negatively conducted such as domestic violence. It is believe from the ancient time that men build house, women build home. Recently in the modern era, women are able to play imporant role in the society which decrease the distance in sexism. As the result, parents should care about their children equally. Secondly, based on the believe that men build house and women build home, behavioral psychology has proof that mothers – who give birth to next generations is being chosen by the nature to have an ability of provision which is extremely fit for children: emotions & nourishment. In fact, biologically only females are able to give birth then feed ìnfants with milk – things that men could not. It is recorded that when a woman has baby – she will figure out the way to take care of her child faster than man – which is believed that belongs to the information inherrited from the previous generations inside our genes. So, it is good for a child to be taken care of by mother. If men have to play an larger role in chilcare, could they conduct that the way women can do? Thirdly, if the women could biologically give birth to babies and raise them emotionally, the men could support their children the neccessary foundation such as economic or potential environment to build up children’s future. Psychologically speaking, mostly men are not as psychological as women but they are able to faciliate their next generations life based on experience effectively. According to scholars of Standford University, children who are growth up by full parents often succeed in life 30% than children who is less father (or mother) and orphans. Fathers train children with skills, experience while mothers often talk & share feelings with them. Personally, I think many people want men to play an larger roles in childcare for some shorts of reasons: It could be easily seen that because of the sexism which is affected from the feudatory: Male are more powerful and important than female. As the consequence, most of childcare activities are female’s duty. If children are success – it is the father’s contribution but if they make mistake – the mother must take responsibility. In modern era, when women could raise their voice louder than the past and science has proved that children are best developing when they receive enough caring from both mom and dad. That’s the first reason why men should play an important larger roles in chilcare – not more than women – but more than men in the past. Due to the international & scientific development which have opened many opportunities for women to contribute their values ( Marrie Currie, Oprah Winfrey, Angela Merkel, etc). Then, their voice is more valuable, not excessive, they want the fair for the women and must share with their ladies more aspects in life – not concentrate only in economic like the past anymore and childcare is one of it. This is the second reason. Last but not least, this statement reminds us should we have a through back that consider again about the position between male & female in modern society? Does men only care about economics & women only duty are taking care of children? In conclusion, children should be taking care of from both parents fairly and men should play an larger roles in chilcare than the past – not to be compared with women. Also, women in modern era are having more potential chances to ask your men to share responsibility with you in different aspects included childcare. Childcare should not belong to any specific gender but must be both. Moreover, this statement also reminds us that gender equality is not only any singles action, it is all.
Becoming a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
is a noble title that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aspire to. Not everyone has that privilege. According to statistics of the World Health Organization
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
(WHO)
, Vietnam is one of the countries with the highest infertility rate in the world. What is even more alarming is that 50% of cases are under the age of 30.
However
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are born
, more problems arise, most prominent among which is the issue of upbringing.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
young
children.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
larger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
in childcare.

Although I am a lady
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
a future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
, my perspective disagrees with this thinking for
Possible spelling mistake found.
serveral
compelling reasons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
commensurate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in nourishing our infants. This is to avoid the unfair mentality. In fact, there are variety of divorce cases
Possible spelling mistake found.
beause
of the unbalance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
: The husband (or wife)
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
cover most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family’s
daily needs that lead to reinforce him(her) power
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
mostly
relevant to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
.
Therefore
, he (she) feels unfair or suppose that they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to treat the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
the way they want which could be
negatively
conducted such as domestic violence. It is
Consider using a past participle here: "believed".
believe
from the ancient time that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
build
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
build
home. Recently in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
Possible spelling mistake found.
imporant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in the society which decrease the distance in sexism. As the result,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
equally
.

Secondly
, based on the
Did you mean "belief" (noun) instead of believe (verb)?
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
build
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
build
home, behavioral psychology has proof that mothers
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
give birth to
next
generations is
being chosen
by the nature to have an ability of provision which is
extremely
fit for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
: emotions & nourishment. In fact,
biologically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to give birth then feed
Possible spelling mistake found.
ìnfants
with milk
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
things that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
could not. It
is recorded
that when a woman has baby
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
she will figure out the way to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of her child faster than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
which
is believed
that belongs to the information
Possible spelling mistake found.
inherrited
from the previous generations inside our genes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for a child to
be taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
larger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
chilcare
, could they conduct that the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can do?

Thirdly
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
could
biologically
give birth to babies and raise them
emotionally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
could support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
neccessary
foundation such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
or potential environment to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
build
up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
future.
Psychologically
speaking,
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are not as psychological as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
faciliate
their
next
generations life based on experience
effectively
. According to scholars of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Standford
University,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are growth up by full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
succeed in life 30% than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Did you mean "am", "are", "aren"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'children' should be used.
is
less father (or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother)
and orphans. Fathers train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, experience while mothers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
talk & share feelings with them.

Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
larger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
in childcare for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
shorts of reasons:

It could be
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the sexism which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
from the
Possible spelling mistake found.
feudatory
: Male are more powerful and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
. As the consequence,
Consider using "most childcare" or "most of the childcare".
most of childcare
activities are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female’s
duty. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are success
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
it is the father’s contribution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
mistake
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take responsibility. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
era, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
could raise their voice louder than the past and science has proved that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are best developing when they receive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
caring from both mom and dad. That’s the
first
reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
larger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
chilcare
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
not more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in the past.

Due to the international & scientific development which have opened
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to contribute their values
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
Possible spelling mistake found.
Marrie
Possible spelling mistake found.
Currie
, Oprah Winfrey, Angela Merkel, etc). Then, their voice is more valuable, not excessive, they want the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
share with their ladies more aspects in life
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
not concentrate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
like the past anymore and childcare is one of it. This is the second reason.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, this statement reminds us should we have a
Did you mean "thorough" (accurate, exhaustive)?
through
back that consider again about the position between male &
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
society? Does
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economics
&
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
duty are taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of children?

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of from both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
fairly
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
larger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
chilcare
than the past
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
not to
be compared
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
era are having more potential chances to ask your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
to share responsibility with you in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects included childcare. Childcare should not belong to any specific gender
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be both.
Moreover
, this statement
also
reminds us that gender equality is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
any singles action, it is all.
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IELTS essay Many people think that men should play larger roles in childcare.

Essay
  American English
11 paragraphs
815 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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