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Many people think that every individual is responsible for their own healthy lifestyle. Others believe that governments should take care of it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people, including me, believe that governments are mostly responsible for people’s lifestyles to be healthy because some people are unable to take care of themselves and furthermore, some individuals do not have enough information on health programs. However, others think each person must take care of his own health. Different groups of people are unable to take care of themselves for instance, many people with impairments who need someone else to look after them. Governmental organizations should support these people by providing a healthy way of living for them. Rehabilitation programs or hiring permanent nurses at homes to take care of the diets and sports activities of these people, are some examples of how people with disabilities should have a healthier lifestyle. Underage children are the second group who need governmental supervision to have a healthier daily activity. Children and adolescents are vulnerable groups in the society who mostly are unaware of how they can achieve a healthy approach in their lives. Nowadays, busy lives of parents inhibit them of having more time with their children for physical activities, they mostly eat fast foods which caused obesity in youngsters. Governments can provide health programs at schools that guarantee a healthier lifestyle for young children. Although, some may argue that all these programs consumes the budgets of the other essential parts of the governmental activities, like medical sections. But in my opinion expending this money on health programs reduces future consequences. For example if a person has an unhealthy lifestyle that would cause him medical problems. Most medical insurances are governmental therefore unhealthier people result in more waste of money in medical section. In conclusion I think people mostly need governmental supervision for a healthier way of living because most people are unaware or unable to choose a healthy path of life for themselves.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
, including me, believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are
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mostly
responsible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
lifestyles to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unable to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of themselves and
furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
information on health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
.
However
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
each person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
health.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
groups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unable to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of themselves
for instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with impairments who need someone else to look after them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governmental
organizations should support these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by providing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
way of living for them. Rehabilitation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
or hiring permanent nurses at homes to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of the diets and sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
examples of how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with disabilities should have a healthier lifestyle.

Underage children are the second group who need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governmental
supervision to have a healthier daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. Children and adolescents are vulnerable groups in the society who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mostly
are unaware of how they can achieve a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
approach in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Nowadays, busy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of parents inhibit them of having more time with their children for physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mostly
eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
foods which caused obesity in youngsters.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
can provide health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
at schools that guarantee a healthier lifestyle for young children.

Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may argue that all these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
consumes the budgets of the other essential parts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
sections.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in my opinion expending this money on health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
future consequences.
For example
if a person has an unhealthy lifestyle that would cause him
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
problems. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
insurances are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governmental
therefore
unhealthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
result in more waste of money in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
section.

In
The comma is probably missing here: “conclusion, I”.
conclusion I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mostly
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governmental
supervision for a healthier way of living
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unaware or unable to choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
path of life for themselves.
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IELTS essay Many people think that every individual is responsible for their own healthy lifestyle. Others believe that governments should take care of it.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
304 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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