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Many people say that we place too much importance on money and possessions. Others believe that consumer society improves our life. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many people say that we place too much importance on money and possessions. Others believe that consumer society improves our life. p5DOd
Money is considered by many people to be one of the most important contributing factors towards happiness. In my opinion, it is possible for many people to be happy even if they have little or no money and other aspects of life can play a much vital role in creating happiness. Although money brings happiness to a lot of people, it is not essential to believe that people without money, are therefore, unhappy. For example- in comparison between developed and developing countries, most Westerners believe that people in developing countries are much happier as they enjoy a stronger family connections and attain pleasure in simplicity of life to a greater extent than that of Westerners. One way of achieving happiness is through job satisfaction. For example- the doctors working in underdeveloped countries may make a little money but the reward of helping people by using the skills they are good at can bring happiness in itself. In other words, happiness can be achieved by using the skills they are trained for and through job satisfaction. Another way of attaining happiness is by having a loving and caring family in one's life. While money may bring many opportunities but few prefer to enjoy it on their own. Being surrounded by a loving and caring family is considered to be more valuable by many people than money. In conclusion, we can say that money is not essential for happiness which can be obtained through job satisfaction as well as family. If more people strive towards happiness than money, the world would be a better place to live in.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
contributing factors towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. In my opinion, it is possible for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be happy even if they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and other aspects of life can play
Maybe you should omit the article 'a', leaving only "much".
a much
vital role in creating happiness.

Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it is not essential to believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, are
therefore
, unhappy.
For example
-
in comparison
between developed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, most Westerners believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
are much happier as they enjoy a stronger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
connections and attain pleasure in simplicity of life to a greater extent than that of Westerners.

One way of achieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is through job satisfaction.
For example
- the doctors working in underdeveloped countries may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the reward of helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by using the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in itself.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
can
be achieved
by using the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
they
are trained
for and through job satisfaction.

Another way of attaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is by having a loving and caring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
in one's life. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
may bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
few prefer to enjoy it on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
Being surrounded
by a loving and caring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is considered
to be more valuable by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
than money.

In conclusion
, we can say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
which can
be obtained
through job satisfaction
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. If more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
strive towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, the world would be a better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in.
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IELTS essay Many people say that we place too much importance on money and possessions. Others believe that consumer society improves our life.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
266 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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