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Some people say that music can bring people together. to what extent you agree or disagree?

Some people say that music can bring people together. LBE7p
It is widely believed that people of multiple cultures and generations could be brought together through music. I strongly agree with this opinion as music is a strong instrument to promote traditions of a nation, also the individual taste of music type can lead to end the generation gap. Now a day, most countries have a huge variety in music, which they are using as a strong tool for promoting their cultures. Through this way, the citizens of other countries are also taking interest in the songs as well as the traditions of other countries around the globe. For instance, we have observed that many singers who even don’t understand the language are singing the cultural songs of other nations just because they got inspired with the musical tones which are depicted in cultural songs, as many english singers redo the traditional music like Qawali and Bhullay Shah songs of Pakistan. Furthermore, as the musical type and choice of songs is purely related to the individual’s mood and taste, which would further be going to play a strong role in minimising the gap between the people of different age group. Every single human has its own taste of music, as many youngsters are appreciating the quality and style of 80’s music, on the other hand, aged people seems to be taking interest in the modern rape or pop music. So, this diversity in choice of music could result in bringing the citizens of different age together by needing the help of each other in search of songs and disscussions about the singers and the musicions. To conclude, the role of music in making the whole world one nation, is very effective. With the help of songs, we could decrease the gap between old and young people, as well as between the nations.
It is
widely
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of multiple cultures and generations could
be brought
together through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a strong instrument to promote traditions of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
,
also
the individual taste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
type can lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
the generation gap.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
a day, most countries have a huge variety in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, which they are using as a strong tool for promoting their cultures. Through this way, the citizens of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries are
also
taking interest in the songs
as well
as the traditions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries around the globe.
For instance
, we have observed that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
singers who even don’t understand the language are singing the cultural songs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
If 'inspired with' is passive voice, use "inspired by".
inspired with
the musical tones which
are depicted
in cultural songs, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
english
singers redo the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Qawali
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bhullay
Shah songs of Pakistan.

Furthermore
, as the musical type and choice of songs is
purely
related to the individual’s mood and taste, which would
further
be going to play a strong role in
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimising' is British English.
minimising
the gap between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age group. Every single human has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
taste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters are appreciating the quality and style of
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "80s".
80’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
seems
to be taking interest in the modern rape or pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this diversity in choice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
could result in bringing the citizens of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age together by needing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
in search of songs and
Possible spelling mistake found.
disscussions
about the singers and the
Possible spelling mistake found.
musicions
.

To conclude
, the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in making the whole world one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of songs, we could decrease the gap between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
as well
as between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
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IELTS essay Some people say that music can bring people together.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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