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Many people say that we now live in ‘consumer societies’ where money and possessions are given too much importance. Others believe that consumer culture has played a vital role in improving our lives. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many people say that we now live in ‘consumer societies’ where money and possessions are given too much importance. Others believe that consumer culture has played a vital role in improving our lives. pG0L
Consumerism is a complex issue that has a wide social and environmental implication, and discussion about it is a very controversial one. People are on both sides of the arguments, and both of them have very strong reasons that support their opinion. Some of people say that consumerism has lots of drawbacks, while others say that it has many advantages. The most important advantages of consumerism are that it helps in creation of new jobs; as a result the number of unemployed people in the community should be decreased. Furthermore, it improves the quality of citizen’s life and reduces the poverty of the society. For example, in the developed countries, workers earn enough money that makes their life better and problems related to poverty like homelessness should be reduced. In addition, consumerism helps and encourages creativity in business because the employee will do their best to be creative to earn more and more money. On the other hand, others argue that consumerism has lots of drawbacks; Firstly, it tends to ignore the finitude of our planet resources and puts more and more pressure on it. As a consequence, depletion of these resources would occur and the next generations will suffer. Secondly, consumerist societies create waste products that not only destroy our environment, but also it carries bad effects on our health. Finally, money is not the only factor of happiness and paying attention to gain money only may lead to suicidal attack. For instant, recent social researches showed that numbers of people who kill themselves are highest in rich countries. To sum up, to overcome the negative impacts of consumerism, governments should not only explain that drawbacks, but also should help their citizens to benefit from it without destroying our environment.
Consumerism is a complex issue that has a wide social and environmental implication, and discussion about it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
controversial one.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are on both sides of the arguments, and both of them have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
strong reasons that support their opinion.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that consumerism has lots of drawbacks, while others say that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages.

The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
advantages of consumerism are that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in creation of new jobs;
as a result
the number of unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the community should
be decreased
.
Furthermore
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the quality of citizen’s life and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the poverty of the society.
For example
, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, workers earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their life better and problems related to poverty like homelessness should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.
In addition
, consumerism
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
and encourages creativity in business
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the employee will do their best to be creative to earn more and more money.

On the other hand
, others argue that consumerism has lots of drawbacks;

Firstly
, it tends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
finitude
of our planet resources and puts more and more pressure on it. As a consequence, depletion of these resources would occur and the
next
generations will suffer.

Secondly
, consumerist societies create waste products that not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
our environment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it carries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects on our health.

Finally
, money is not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
factor of happiness and paying attention to gain money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
may lead to suicidal attack. For instant, recent social researches
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who kill themselves are highest in rich countries.

To sum up, to overcome the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts of consumerism,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
that drawbacks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their citizens to benefit from it without destroying our environment.

IELTS essay Many people say that we now live in ‘consumer societies’ where money and possessions are given too much importance. Others believe that consumer culture has played a vital role in improving our lives.

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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